Halted

Feeling guilty?  ...Or free?

Has time off ever felt this good?

I think this new frame of mind is finally settling in comfortably. It's got its flannel blanket, its slippers, robe, newspaper or what-have-you...seated back in its favorite chair. I had said previously that I didn't want to write for the "success" of it...to be a famous writer. I wanted to write simply because it made me feel good, because I liked being creative. Just for the sake of writing. At first it was rocky. I felt guilty when I didn't write, didn't get any work done. And that's after, like, two days!

Now? It's been over a month. I haven't written for the "My Missing Brother" story in over a month, since before I left for Cleveland. I also haven't been updating this blog. I thought this would eat away at me. I thought I would feel awful for not trying to live the dream, or at least achieve something! But I don't. I feel fine with it. I've accepted that there will be times when I'm just not feeling it. When I plain don't want to write. And since I'm not relying on any sort of paycheck or anything...there's no fire under my butt to finish.

Now, there was one thing.... I was approached on Twitter by a nice guy who offered his company's professional reading service to me. I was really pleased and excited by this, and really am thinking of taking up the offer. However, I get the impression it's somewhat time-sensitive. And that's cool, I get it. But...if I'm not writing, the window of opportunity closes a little more every day, and I get further from the possibility of qualifying for that offer. I'm both upset and okay with this. It's kind of weird.

I have and I haven't been busy. Sure, I could offer up all kinds of excuses: I'm working, spending time with my wife, spending time with my mom - who's back in town after years of being away, doing things with friends more often, blah blah blah. I also have a Tumblr that I check every day, so I'm spending time on that now, too. Batman: Arkham City just came out, so I've been doing that a lot (and, GOD, is it good!). There's so many other things that I'm choosing to do with my time instead of writing.

Yes, I completely understand that it's never going to get done if I don't DO IT -- but, for once, I don't feel bad about not doing it. It's more of a feeling of, "When I'm ready for it, I'll do it," right now. I guess I'm just not ready.

There is a flip side to this, though. Isn't there always? Alright, so I'm at peace with not writing at this moment. How long will that last? I just had a birthday two days ago. I'm a quarter-of-a-century old now. And please, older folk who've "been around the block" or whatever, don't laugh at how young I am and "how much time I have." I've heard it all (cynical much?). How am I going to feel about my non-progress next month? Next year? When will I start again? And how does this affect my projected timeline?

Everyone has one - a timeline. Something that they have in their minds of where they expect or hope to be at certain points in their life. A plan. Goals. Whatever you want to call it. So what's mine? If I were focused on the success and fame of writing, then I know I should be panicking right now. 25 years old? No real significant, completed work under my belt to show for it? That's not good for publishing or financial success, in my opinion. But, since I feel like I'm okay with not writing for now, that shouldn't matter. And I'm not panicking. I just wonder...how long will that last? 

How much time do I really have?

See, back to that now. Yeah, I just turned 25. Yeah, I'm still young. It's the oldest I've ever been. I'm always told two things - and it's really confusing (tell me if you've heard these before): "You're still young, you've got a lot of time ahead of you," whenever someone encourages me to take my time with things or not to worry -- and, "That time is gonna fly right by, and before you know it, you're 40-something wondering where it all went," whenever I reiterate the first one.

So which is it?

Do I have time? Or don't I?

Or is it a combination? I have time to do what I want, but make sure I do it before it's too late? Still kind of confusing and contradictory, but I'll take it, I guess. Hey, at least I don't have kids I need to worry about and take up my time as well. Yet.

Recovering

I'm trying to climb my way out of this funk. I'm not well-equipped to handle this amount of anger and depression.

What usually cheers you up?

So, from my last blog post, you may know that I've been a bit down lately. Well...it's been a real roller coaster this past week. I'm finally looking at the light at the end, but it's so bright that I can't tell how far ahead of me it actually is. So I don't know how far I'll have to go to reach it.

Basically I'm saying I don't know what I have to do to reach that happiness again.

Sterling Gates's Kid Flash Lost #1

J.T. Krul's Teen Titans #100

I've tried this. I've tried that. It all seems so up in the air. I have some things I'm looking forward to this month, and I'm sure I'll have a good time with those. I'm meeting DC Comics writer J.T. Krul (Teen Titans, Green Arrow, Captain Atom), and seeing writer Sterling Gates (Kid Flash Lost, Hawk & Dove) again, this Wednesday in Pasadena. I'm extremely excited about that. I also have a Chevelle concert the following Wednesday (and another meet-n-greet with J.T.).

That next Sunday, I'm flying out to Ohio to see my Mom...and then we're driving back to California together so she can live with us for a little while. I'm also very excited about this.

I'll be getting my own personal netbook next month, something I can carry with me places and whip it out whenever I feel like writing. Something to store all of my information on so that I can have it all in one, organized place.

"Nothing to show for it."

The beginning of November brings my birthday. I'll be a quarter of a century old. I'm not sure if that's something to be happy about or not yet...as I'm still struggling with that whole feeling of "having nothing to show for it" at this point (that's career-wise, mind you). How long is THAT lovely feeling going to last?

So I do have reasons to be happy. But last night and today, I was just SO ANGRY. It's like George Carlin said: I hate it when cashiers tell me to have a great day. What if I didn't want a great day? What if I had 364 good days in a row, and I just really want to have a shitty day?

It's like that. It's almost like I'm determined to have a bad day.

Last night, I felt so frustrated and destructive that I decided to try and be constructive with that energy, instead of internalizing it and causing myself emotional harm. I decided to take it out on the only kinds of people who can continually and silently take that kind of punishment: my characters. They take everything and anything I throw at them. I focused my writing anger into a writer character - for my next story idea. I wrote a quick scene in which the character, fed up with everything around him, contemplated and even attempted suicide in a heated emotional moment. But he chickens out. This turned into the scene that I want to start the screenplay with, maybe. And today, as I sat here, unusually pissed off at my work, I wrote more about this story...piecing the beginnings together.

It's turned into something that, while somewhat hollow still, I can go off.

So I'm trying to bring myself out of it. I'm trying to feel better. I want to feel better. But sometimes it's hard. It's difficult to just switch off angry mode. But...I have a couple days off now. My mid-week weekend starts tomorrow. It'll be good to unwind. Do some housework to keep my mind occupied. Then some more writing. Hopefully tomorrow I won't be wearing my angry face.

Stretched

I'm not quite sure how much longer I'll be able to take this. A bit overdramatic? Yeah, I do that.

How do you avoid your breaking point?

The computer's back from the losers at Geek Squad, who WAY over-priced me. In fact, it was so over-priced that we didn't have the work done it needed. Just had them send it back. So the computer's not very healthy right now. We're looking into other solutions (I work for a computer hardware parts supplier now, so who knows?). But enough about that.

Not having that, and not having continual access to Twitter and this blog has been somewhat aggravating. I definitely don't want to start lashing out at people through my frustration. I've been feeling this anxiety lately. It definitely came about while out with some friends the other night. It's weird - I'm out for drinks with these great people, and we're having a good time and all, but I suddenly get this unsettling feeling that I'm not doing enough when it comes to my writing. Where the hell did that come from? Out of nowhere! I'm familiar with this anxiety, it happens occasionally, especially when I haven't been writing for a while. Just yesterday, I Tweeted that I had a compelling urge to blog, but didn't have any subject to blog about.

So it's definitely that there's this feeling eating away at me, and it's becoming violent with me. Maybe this is my muse, trying to knock me around a bit like a wife that won't make a sandwich. There's something in me, fighting to be noticed, used. It's even come to the point where, in lieu of actually writing, I've started just imagining stories in my head and letting them play out.

Like the picture above, I feel like each of my threads have been cut, one by one, just to see how long it will take to get me to the last one, and to the point where I just go crazy. So I've been trying to do things to get my mind off it and to keep me from that moment. It's been working, sure, and I'm pleasantly distracted, but apparently it's not enough if I'm having these bouts with this anxiety and it's making me twitch.

It's come to this, then. I need to find some way of being able to stick with my writing on a regular basis - computer problems be damned. Right now, I'm sitting in a new-paint-smelling office on a slow Saturday at work. There's definitely enough time to open up a Notepad document and just start writing. Thing is...I'm not real comfortable working on the "My Missing Brother" story, really, because it's been so long and I don't have all the information here. So maybe I'll try something else. Just a simple exercise. Maybe I'll try one of Girls With Pens' writing prompts that they regularly post.

All I know is I need some fun. I need something that's stimulating and interesting. Who knows...maybe it'll turn into something to add to my list of ideas that I want to develop.

Do you have anxiety attacks about writing/not writing? How do you overcome that feeling? How long have you gone at one time without writing for any of your ideas? Do you find regular, non-related exercises helpful?

Thanks for reading! Go check out Girls With Pens too!

Decommissioned

UGH. I'm having such a hard time with this, it's almost embarrassing.

Are YOU reliant on social networking websites?

Well, the computer's in the shop. And, the way it's going, I don't know when we're getting it back (thanks, Geek Squad, won't ever be using you again). It's a simple fix, really, but their communications systems are completely unreliable and useless. So, the absence of the computer has done three things to me, I've found.

• I can't write. Okay, that's a bit general. My "Brothers" story is all contained on that computer. No backups. I know, I know...I'm an idiot. Point is, all my notes, the script and story so far, is all on that computer. So, yes, I could write if I wanted to. Just paper and pen, right? But there's no reference. There's nothing I can look back on if I need to go, "Hey, what was that back there again?" Is that an excuse? Some people may say so. I feel it's a legitimate concern. What if I do all this writing, and find it's no good because of contradicting elements that I'm forgetting? Is that an excuse? Up to you, I guess.

• Also, when I hand write like that...I don't know what it is, perhaps the fact that virtually my entire adult life has been spent at a keyboard...my hand cramps up really quickly and hurts, quite a lot actually. So I have this aversion to writing by hand. Another excuse? Could be, I suppose, but I'd rather not be in pain, tell you the truth.

• The second thing not having a computer has done is bring me to see something about myself - I'm totally dependent on social networking to survive. Alright, a bit overdramatic (but, hey, that's what I'm known for). This is actually a coupling of two things: no computer + new job. At my old job, I had the leisure time to just browse Twitter ([at]chambernaut) all the time. Seriously. Constantly. Same with Facebook. But now, I don't have that kind of time with this new job. Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE my new job. It's pretty sweet. I'm finding that I miss that time, though. So, now, with the computer at home gone...and the absence of Twitter throughout the day...I'm getting twitchy. I really feel like I'm missing out on things that I'd otherwise know and enjoy.

• Finally, it's the same with Blogger here - I used to have the time to go through all the blogs I follow and read the posts and participate (sorry, Jami!). Not to mention update THIS blog, which is why I haven't been posting new content as regularly as before.

So that's basically my pain right now. Twitter withdrawals and a burning need, yet hesitance to write.

I'm curious to know what you think.


Am I making excuses?

Do you find yourself making excuses for not writing, when you know full-well you could be writing at that very moment?


How many days can you go, comfortably, without looking at Twitter? Facebook? Blogger?

Thanks for reading!

Hurdles

So to break tradition with the order of the content of my posts (see previous blog post), I would like to proudly announce that progress has STILL been made on the screenplay since I started it.

I have a very good outline drawn out that I will be referring to as I write Act-to-Act, and am about halfway through Act 1.

Now here come the hurdles. It really does feel like a relay. I started out strong, ahead of the pack, I made that first turn and pulled further ahead...and then I see the hurdles ahead - my kryptonite - and miss a couple, tripping up and falling behind.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, the economy has started to take its toll on me and I am desperately struggling to find a new job. This scramble is taking time away from writing, which is truly frustrating given how far I've come in such a little time.

I am trying to work here and there, but things are a bit overwhelming for me at the moment and I'm having trouble focusing and staying dedicated. I would say outside influences on my life definitely have an adverse affect to my writing time.

Apart from the financial troubles, I have a relative (can one be called "long-lost" if we've never met before?) coming to visit for a bit over a week this month, so the wife and I are preparing for his arrival. Now I do not want, in any way, for this to be construed as frustration because I am beyond excited to meet and spend time with my cousin. So, while preparations are taking time from writing, it's for a great reason.

Now the antsy feeling I'm getting from his arrival is actually due to something very specific: the deadline that I've set for myself - to have a first rough draft of my screenplay finished by mid-July - well...that's for him. I want to finish it while he's here so he can read it. So I'm just nervous that I'm not going to be able to meet this deadline. Here's hoping though. Maybe a few all-nighters will get it done.

The good news about these hurdles is that they're temporary. Eventually, I will pass them all and be able to make a determined sprint for the finish line. As a plus, the job situation may work out brilliantly very soon. I have some good contacts that I'm using to try and get something excellent lined up. That will also help solve the financial hurdle. My cousin's visit is something I'm looking forward to immensely, and, while something of a hurdle, is one that I will easily clear without a problem.

The point is...everything will work out. In the everlasting words of the Blue Lantern Corps:

All will be well...

Yes, I'm a nerd.

Beginning

Alright, it's finally happened. With only a slight lack of some of the final research, I have actually begun the screenplay.

It's been a while since my last post, and there have been a lot of things going on in my life, but I've been doing a lot of research. That includes watching the recent movie "Kill the Irishman", and other Danny Greene documentaries.

So I have been wanting to feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, and I have enough information, at least, to start. So I began the actual screenplay. It's incredible. I have a really good feeling about it so far. There are only a couple things that may need touching up in later drafts. That's a great start, if I do say so myself.

Once I have confidence in copyrights on this work, I'll be able to post samples.

If you're wondering, I use Celtx to write. It's a great, free program you can download from their website, www.celtx.com.

More updates as they come!

Overwhelming

My unproductivity from the last blog post has persisted.

It, along with a number of other things going on in my life, has driven me into a state of moderate depression.

Like most people in this economic climate, I am experiencing financial troubles. Thankfully, I have a job and a home and a wife with an equal income to mine. But certain situations have led up to us clinging to each dollar and cent we have. This will pass, of course, as it always does. I know this. We always get through. Sure, things will be stressful for a few weeks while we build everything back up...but it's still a very depressing state in which to be.

On top of that, and a couple other things, I'm having yet another creative crisis. This seems to happen to me very often, which worries me. I mean, is this going to affect my professional career, when the time comes that I'm writing on a schedule for a planned movie to start pre-production? There's that too: am I even going to get to that point?

That's what has me all upset. I feel like every day I slip further and further away from that life goal...that career that I so desperately want. I do want this for myself, for my future family, pretty much more than anything else. I know that. That is a truth.

So...why can't I do it?

What is keeping me from this stupid project? What is stopping me from writing? Why aren't I motivated? I KNOW I WANT THIS! So why am I not doing ABSOLUTELY everything I can to make it work? What's holding me back? I don't understand this! I'm afraid that I never will understand this! I'm scared that this is some kind of condition, sickness or complex, you know? Am I subconsciously keeping myself from success? From happiness? There's no real other logical explanation I can think of. Why would I do that? I've already mentioned that this is the thing I want...so why keep myself from it? Do I somehow feel I deserve punishment for something?

I really cannot figure this out. And it's frightening that I can't figure it out. I have the goal and the dream, and the desire. But what's missing is my drive and motivation, my determination. I even tried the ever-famous advice of setting a goal for myself, a time-frame in which to complete part of the project. But June is more than a quarter through now...and I'm not close to achieving that marker.

There's so much that's just frustrating me right now. And I'm having trouble reconciling everything. So here I am, pleading into the infinite and uncaring universe that something in me will change. That I will find some kind of reason, or understanding. That I will find my spark and turn it into an everlasting nuclear reactor of creative energy and drive.

I want to be hopeful. I want to be positive.

But I know myself.

Narrowed

In my search through the history of our nation and its most well-known "steel towns", I have found a lot of interesting information. I know I want the story of the two brothers set against that kind of backdrop, and I want that industrial infrastructure to have influence on the story too. There were four cities that I could think of that are known for their industrial economic base: Detroit, Louisville, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh.

At first, Detroit was really a place that I could imagine the story taking place. I was really into that idea. But as I delved into the Motor City's history, I realized that it just doesn't fit demographically and due to other story requirements that I had.

It pleased me, though, to see that - as I researched the other cities - one of them was really pulling through as a definite possibility. My home-away-from-home, Cleveland. I have to admit, I love Cleveland. Probably because I don't live there. Though I think if I were to move there, it would take some time to finally get tired of it. Everyone who lives there/grew up there say the same thing - they wish they could get out of Cleveland.

And you know what? That's perfect for my story. 

So I started doing more and more research on Cleveland between the 1950s and 1980s, forming a history for the family in my story based around the actual history of Cleveland. I spoke with family of mine that spent their lives there, that had firsthand knowledge of what it was like back then.

I'm really finding that this will really fit my story. I'm finding this is the setting the story needs, deserves. I'm happy that I've found my city. Cleveland has always held a special place in my heart - visiting family during the holidays, going to Indians games in the summer and fall, chilling in Strongsville and Lakewood, driving up to Cedar Point...all sorts of fun was had throughout my life in my many visits to Cleveland.

So now it's just a matter of narrowing down the time frame that this will all take place in. As I mentioned before, I have certain time periods that are my favorites, and learning more about Cleveland in those times is a blast. I'm having so much fun with this research. I cannot wait to start putting in the pieces of real-world situations and problems into the background of my story.

There you have it, folks. Story's set in Cleveland.

Specificity

So after finally finishing that story for my script, I've decided to take a small break in writing. This is mainly due to some kind of sickness I've had this past weekend (from food, booze...or a combination of the two), but also because the writing NEEDS a quick break.

Please, allow me to explain. *adjusts imaginary glasses smirking*

As mentioned in the title of this post (by the way, I'm having so much fun creating these single-worded titles), the story is in need of some specificity...some detail that I have left out so far. Most of this detail was purposely not included. Let me clear the air a bit with what all this is about.

My story is about two brothers who are separated, and the younger of them seeks out on a sole journey to find the elder. The younger brother then gets messed up with all sorts of bad things.

So, those kinds of things he becomes involved in, and how he's involved, is very much determined by a couple of things:
Location
and time.
These details have been left out because I have not yet decided on how I want to work those into the story. I have some ideas on what to do...and it definitely brings up some very exciting premises. For example there are certain time periods that are my favorites...and trying to work my story into those time periods is something to which I'm looking forward.

Location has been something I've been wrestling with as well. I know I want the place to be somewhat industrial, so it needs to have that reputation. Like a steel city, or motor city. I have a short list of what I want, so it's time for that tool every writer loves...

RESEARCH!!

So that will fill my stint of time spent not writing. I must do lots of research on locations, preferably industrial cities, during certain time periods. This will affect the culture and characters in my story. And so much more.

If you have any suggestions on where to find that kind of information (besides the obvious "internet" and "libraries" - remember: specificity), let me know!

Stay tuned!

Payoff

Wow, I cannot believe how easy that was.

I can't believe how useful a bout of slight depression was.

This has been an outstanding week, and I have incredible news. Since my last blog post, I have finished the very first draft of the story for my screenplay. I was so mad at myself that I wasn't making any progress, and letting everything get in the way. I channeled that anger, and made sure I did everything I could, into shaping this story and putting it all down. What speed I had hidden there just under the surface of laziness!

This isn't to say that the screenplay's written, because no. In fact, I have written out, in story format, all of the major (and some minor) points of the story. From here, it will be infinitesimally easier to translate my idea into a screenplay. I am very excited.

I spent every day on this. There wasn't a moment where I was not thinking about this story and everything I could do with it. And now the first rough draft is complete.

I know very well that it's possible that some elements will change as I write and research further into my idea, so it will be interesting to find out what works and what doesn't stick. I'm hoping for something very similar to how this story goes, though. My main goal, though, is to make sure the story feels genuine, and sincere. So here goes!

Follow along for more updates as they come!

Sincerity

Go easy on me, this is my first blog post sent via email.

I have to ask myself today: Am I serious?

I've been talking about writing being a career of mine since high school, possibly before (sincerely, though, since high school). And here I am, with ample time to get some writing done on my project, doing anything but.

Instead I am passing my time browsing the puzzle games on the internet, and mastering my Sudoku skills.

Don't get me wrong, those activities are quite enjoyable. But you can't (strangely) make a career out of earning all the achievement badges on Kongregate.com. And if it's not that, then it's video games. Or TV. Or this and that, and this and that. So...the question begs asking:

Am I serious?

Do I have the drive to start a project and see it through? Do I have the determination to be able to STOP. AT. NOTHING...to get my ideas out to the public in the way I want? Do I sacrifice other activities, time doing other things I enjoy that are much easier than constructing a solid, compelling story; to dedicate my time to my work?

Right now, no. And that, folks, is depressing.

But why is that? I know I have only myself to blame. I'm well aware of my 100% involvement in my own despair. The question I have now is "why?" What is making me do this? Why is my drive so out of gas? I know I'm not tired of my story, not bored with my project - it's still a very exciting project to me! I love the story, I love the characters, and I love how they're growing and developing, right before my eyes.

And I am making progress. It's not like it's a stagnant, stale and static (yay, alliteration!) piece of junk that's just not going anywhere. It's taking shape. It's growing. It's becoming a full story, and I'm behind it! But I don't want to be the writer that makes a little bit of progress on his work every month and a half.

My goal set in my previous blog post, about finishing the written-story of my screenplay before going to bed that night?

Yeah, I fell asleep.

My goal to have, at least, a first draft of the screenplay finished by the end of July is looking more and more unattainable the more and more inactive I become.

So, WAKE UP, David! Get your ass in gear! Get it together! Get that damn story written! It's a story that needs to be told, needs to be heard, and needs to be seen! What is it going to take?! I NEED TO KNOW!

Here's to hard work, determination, and the will to have the life I want as a successful screenwriter.

Let's get this done.

Focus

So there has not been much of an update here in a while, and there's a perfectly understandable reason as to why. Whether that reason is "acceptable" or not...I'll leave up to you (hint: it's not).

There just hasn't been much done in the way of writing lately.

"Boo!" and "Hiss!" you might say. I'm right there too, cursing myself for my lack of action. I want more than anything to sit down and just write this thing! Write until it's done! I know I'm capable of long spans of time filled with nothing but creative finger-diarrhea...but looks like my fingers have been too "dehydrated" this past couple weeks to really put anything useful down.

My mind and heart have just not been in it, I guess. Which is weird because, after talking to my friend, who has been something of a mentor for me for a while; I always feel super inspired and ready to go. But this time, after that initial supernova of excitement, a great black hole grew and sucked in all that bright spark and energy. Sad, I know.

Today, though, I've decided to FOCUS. Today I need to spend hours at a time doing nothing but having my fingers FLY across this keyboard (at 90wpm, no less :P). I went out earlier to watch my little sister in her baseball game, and I had plans for tonight as well...that I have since CANCELED, because I started writing out the story of my new idea and it's feeling damn good. There is no way I can back away from this idea right now and justifiably feel okay about it. This must be done. I must not stop.

I feel, tonight, I can have the full story of this screenplay written out in story-form. This is my goal. I will not sleep until this is done. That's a promise.

Relaxation

Man, let me tell you (as if you didn't know already), there is nothing better after coming home from a long, stressful day at work than sitting down, and talking about and writing for my "new" story!

Today I realized just how incredibly excited about this project I have become. There is so much in place already, it just needs a stronger foundation and structure, not to mention a good amount of research. I have truly found something that I can be passionate about, and it's truly intoxicating.

But man...today was super stressful, and there were many, many times where I just wanted to outright scream as hard as I could at the person on the phone, then throw my handset across the room, and walk out of the building. Luckily nothing of the sort happened, and I still have a job. :)

After a day like today, some therapeutic writing will really cleanse my soul.

That's all. No real serious writing update.

UPDATE TO THIS POST

Okay, so tonight I finished the preliminary storyline for the plot. I have all the major details I need, which is GREAT. It just needs tweaking...and I'm good to start writing a treatment.

More info as it comes!!!

Evolution

I've always been a big supporter of the theory that a story changes from the point of its conception to the finalized form that you see. It's very much like a human being. When it's born, the parents always have an idea of how they would like the baby to grow, what they wish it to do with its life and so on. As that baby grows, the parents see how it takes shape all on its own and becomes interested in so many different things, sometimes as quickly as a light switch being thrown. Finally, the baby, now an adult, has chosen the path it wants to take, and has taken full form as a product of everything it's done and tried throughout its life so far.

Now go through that and replace "parents" with "author", and "baby" with "story". The interests that the baby, or child, has are the various different versions, or directions the story has or goes through.

My story, that I've been working on for over a year, has suddenly morphed into a brand new shape. With the help of a friend, I have something new. Something promising. And, surprisingly, the part of the original version that I thought was so compelling and made the story so original is the part that's been completely omitted now.

I'm not quite ready to start on an outline or treatment yet. It definitely needs more fine-tuning. But I feel this new direction can really allow me to show some harsh realities that I simply did not have time for in the original version.

So, here, we say "goodbye" to several beloved characters. Here, we depart from an exciting action feature, complete with superpowers...and we engage on a heartwarming, tragic and touching story about loyalty and discovering what you really need in life.

I am very excited.

Please keep coming back as I continue to update this blog with more absolute excitement!

Failure?

So I must concede defeat. I must acquiesce to the challenge. I must lay down before the weight of this stone crushes me.

There are two problems I have.

One is, unfortunately, after several attempts to draw a genuine, believable "through-line" out of the story given in the book, I was unable to build a real successful story. I was unable to truthfully create content for a screenplay that remains wholly true to the story in the book.

The other problem is that, because of this inability, I have become extremely stagnant in my writing overall. Notice the lack of updates on this blog alone. So I've been a bit depressed about all that: not being able to write at all. I'm not bitter, or upset at the book adaptation project, but I have other stories that are more developed than this that I put on hold to work on this adaptation.

I just think that, for someone at my level and experience of writing...I'm not quite ready to take on this challenge. I honestly do believe that somewhere there is a story that has the proper elements to create a compelling film, but I and my skill are not able to find it at this time, and it's having a vampiric effect on me - draining me of my energy, my will to write, and my time.

I must, sadly, step down. I do not want to be that disappointment to my grandmother; I love her to pieces. I know that I told her that I would do this...but without help, it's just something I would not be able to do at this point in my life. It is not genuine to what I can write about. Myself, as a writer, am unable to be sincere about this.

That, of course, does not signal the end to this blog. My chambers are deep, indeed, for I am a nautilus. I constantly construct new chambers around me in which to house my most prized possessions, and most cherished creations. I have so much to show. I shall now refocus my efforts into a story that I am 100% about, and something that is truly what I am as a writer.

Please feel free to continue following this blog, or keep coming back as I make new posts to check up on me, as I go back to stories that motivate me to the likes that I remember.