Decommissioned

UGH. I'm having such a hard time with this, it's almost embarrassing.

Are YOU reliant on social networking websites?

Well, the computer's in the shop. And, the way it's going, I don't know when we're getting it back (thanks, Geek Squad, won't ever be using you again). It's a simple fix, really, but their communications systems are completely unreliable and useless. So, the absence of the computer has done three things to me, I've found.

• I can't write. Okay, that's a bit general. My "Brothers" story is all contained on that computer. No backups. I know, I know...I'm an idiot. Point is, all my notes, the script and story so far, is all on that computer. So, yes, I could write if I wanted to. Just paper and pen, right? But there's no reference. There's nothing I can look back on if I need to go, "Hey, what was that back there again?" Is that an excuse? Some people may say so. I feel it's a legitimate concern. What if I do all this writing, and find it's no good because of contradicting elements that I'm forgetting? Is that an excuse? Up to you, I guess.

• Also, when I hand write like that...I don't know what it is, perhaps the fact that virtually my entire adult life has been spent at a keyboard...my hand cramps up really quickly and hurts, quite a lot actually. So I have this aversion to writing by hand. Another excuse? Could be, I suppose, but I'd rather not be in pain, tell you the truth.

• The second thing not having a computer has done is bring me to see something about myself - I'm totally dependent on social networking to survive. Alright, a bit overdramatic (but, hey, that's what I'm known for). This is actually a coupling of two things: no computer + new job. At my old job, I had the leisure time to just browse Twitter ([at]chambernaut) all the time. Seriously. Constantly. Same with Facebook. But now, I don't have that kind of time with this new job. Now, don't get me wrong - I LOVE my new job. It's pretty sweet. I'm finding that I miss that time, though. So, now, with the computer at home gone...and the absence of Twitter throughout the day...I'm getting twitchy. I really feel like I'm missing out on things that I'd otherwise know and enjoy.

• Finally, it's the same with Blogger here - I used to have the time to go through all the blogs I follow and read the posts and participate (sorry, Jami!). Not to mention update THIS blog, which is why I haven't been posting new content as regularly as before.

So that's basically my pain right now. Twitter withdrawals and a burning need, yet hesitance to write.

I'm curious to know what you think.


Am I making excuses?

Do you find yourself making excuses for not writing, when you know full-well you could be writing at that very moment?


How many days can you go, comfortably, without looking at Twitter? Facebook? Blogger?

Thanks for reading!

Development

It'll be a short one today, hopefully. Gotta get back into writing!

How do you handle the unexpected?

So there have been some new developments in my life that have caused me to slack somewhat on my screenplay. Among those was my transition out of my previous job straight into my new one, which I started Thursday morning. This whole job process has been somewhat occupying my time, what with getting everything set and ready. But it would be unfair and, frankly, untrue to blame it solely - or even largely - on the new job acquisition.

Mainly? There are two things.

• In my script, I've been somewhat stuck. Not quite sure what should happen next, and how. My desire to keep action, dialog, and business fluid, realistic, and honest has prevented me from thinking of a solution to this scene I'm on. Usually that means a rewrite is in order, but I'm hoping an idea will come to me first. Rewrites can always happen the next time through the script. This is first draft, after all. My biggest concern with this is it's not good to be stuck when the STORY of the screenplay is already planned out. It should come more easily.
• Second, let's be honest here. I haven't been writing because a good portion of my time has been reading comics. I know, I know: those won't do me any good, they won't push me any further toward my goals, and they don't provide applicable substance to my exercises. I've heard it all before, trust me. But, lately, I've been really getting into this one writer at DC Comics who wrote both the last Green Arrow run (#s 1-12) and Teen Titans (#s 88-100). So I read all of his issues back-to-back to really see the full story of these books. And, from the viewpoint of someone who writes, these books are brilliant. I so thoroughly enjoyed them.

So those are finished now, and I won't be devoting quite as much time to those comics as I just did for the past week or so. I'll still continue to read comics, but more moderately and in a controlled fashion. Not as an excuse to fill time.

I should have more time to devote to writing now, and that excites me (which is good, for me, to be excited returning to an idea). I'm also considering using my days off to look into taking one or two writing courses at the local community college...see how I'd benefit. Back to the screenplay now!

What sorts of distractions normally, frequently get in your way? What does it take to realize you're putting things off and to get yourself back on track? Do you allot time from your daily schedule to devote to writing, no matter what?

Certainty

I feel like I have to apologize...but I know even that serves into this self-pitying purpose that this blog seems to have become. I think I'm writing in it out of spite now. The apology mentioned is because of the last blog post. It came off a lot more "attention-whorey" than I wanted.

That post was a precursor to a near-and-total meltdown on my part.

I have not been dealing with a few issues in my life properly, and my writing has been a huge part of that. I had to come face to face with the demon in my life: the fact that I NEVER finish any of my projects. No matter what the cause (even though the causes are all me). This is something that's been plaguing me for years. Since well over a decade ago. And I always thought I had an answer, but apparently not.

When I first started writing, I knew my craft wasn't excellent. I was way too green. Hell, I still am in many ways. And I used to think that was it: that I wasn't experienced enough or learned enough to know how to complete a work. So I studied. I took courses. I read books. I filled my head with the process. Yet the problem remained. I thought it could possibly be the projects themselves - the subject matter. Was it not compelling enough for me? That may have been an infinitesimal fraction of the reason. Point is...I never figured it out.

I would get SO frustrated with myself! So angry! I would beat myself up psychically, wondering why I wasn't worth enough to FINISH something! WHY!? WHY CAN'T IT BE DONE?!!

Luckily, I have close friends and family to thank for helping me through my recent meltdown.

With their help, I learned that my problem with quitting comes from a couple different, related things. Because of my childhood, I apparently feel a need to make something of myself. To be known for something, and to have great accomplishments. This feeds into my desire for personal success. Because of my creative side, I've chosen writing as my outlet and road to that success that I crave. So what does that make me? A writer, of course. And that's how I defined myself. That's the second problem. A man shouldn't define himself by what he does...that leaves him with nothing, were that thing he does to disappear - or, in my case, not come to fruition.

I needed to figure out who I am. How am I defined? And what do I REALLY want out of writing?

I cannot define myself as any of these: "son", "husband", "friend", "employee", "writer". Because I could lose my parents, my wife, my friends, my job, and never become a published writer. So with that revelation comes, what I believe to be, the final truth. I am a creator, an entertainer, a teacher, and a helper. None of those things can be taken from me. Those are all things inherent in my personality, in who I exactly am. Even if I were to be the last person on this planet due to some incredible I-Am-Legend-related disaster, I can still create imaginatively...I can still entertain myself...I can still teach myself as I learn...and I can help myself through it all to the end. My desire, my drive to do all of those things will never subside, no matter where I am in the world.

Looking back over everything I've written in this post, I cannot help but feel an incredible happiness. I finally know who I am. I have faced the darkness within, looked my bare Self in the eye, and I didn't blink. There is no other feeling like this.

I am no longer a writer.

I am simply a man who writes.

Whether I become published, famous, well-known or anything of the sort - I will always love to write. That is my success.

Huh. The original title to this post was "Uncertainty".

I'm still going to write my Cleveland-based story about two brothers separated. I'm still going to write in this blog. I don't care if maybe only three people read it. I just don't know when that next time is going to be. This is an exercise. And apparently an exorcism. And that's helpful.

DNF

My wife and I were able to get our place set up and ready to receive my cousin. He came, we did stuff, and now he's away with friends of his. He may return to our abode before leaving for back home, he may not. Plans are a bit up in the air. The point is...as can be discerned from the title of this blog post...that I did not finish.

However, in choosing to look at the bright side, I cannot necessarily be disappointed in myself as I mostly expected this.

I'm horrible with writing deadlines. I can imagine myself being not-so-successful in the business because of this. Who knows, maybe with a financial incentive things would be different. I fear a lot of the excitement I had before for this project has just gone out. I find myself bored when I ask if I should write. Then I end up doing something else.

I've recently been trying to psych myself up and get back into the project, especially now that things have calmed down substantially at home. Job stresses are easing as well, and I'm hopeful for a position that's available to me. All of this combined is turning me back on to my project. But I fear that I'm not as interested as I used to be, and this is because I don't talk to anyone about the project. There's no back-and-forth. That always gets my blood pumping. So what does that mean? Am I meant to be a collaborative writer? With a partner or team? Who knows?

Someone on Twitter said: "Writing: 'This is interesting!' --> effort --> effort --> effort --> finished --> 'this is stupid, who cares'"

But with me, it feels like I don't ever reach the "finished" part before I get fed up and go "this is stupid, who cares". I was hoping that this blog would be a healthy output that would provide that communication for me, but there's no real return coming back .There's the "back" I need, but no "forth". And I understand and accept this. I knew from the moment I started this blog that it wouldn't be hugely popular, that I wouldn't have followers, that there wouldn't be intense open discussions here.

Knowing that, I still started the blog, because I thought it would be helpful for me to have an outlet of some kind...even if it was me and only me. I know the three reasons that people read blogs: 1) really good SEO, 2) really famous, or 3) really funny/interesting. I know I don't have any of those and I'm okay with that. I mean, notice how I barely follow any kind of schedule in making new posts.

So the point is...is this blog a successful outlet for my thoughts and frustrations regarding my writing?

And if it's not, do I continue writing for it? And where do I go to find that back-and-forth discussion that spurs me into action?

If I do find that someone or somewhere...do I keep this blog going anyway?

I do consider writing to be somewhat self-serving (in a more positive way than the term connotes), and this blog is about as self-serving as it gets (in more of the negative way). And yes, I am totally aware that this blog is a personal pity party. A PPP, if you will.

Hurdles

So to break tradition with the order of the content of my posts (see previous blog post), I would like to proudly announce that progress has STILL been made on the screenplay since I started it.

I have a very good outline drawn out that I will be referring to as I write Act-to-Act, and am about halfway through Act 1.

Now here come the hurdles. It really does feel like a relay. I started out strong, ahead of the pack, I made that first turn and pulled further ahead...and then I see the hurdles ahead - my kryptonite - and miss a couple, tripping up and falling behind.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, the economy has started to take its toll on me and I am desperately struggling to find a new job. This scramble is taking time away from writing, which is truly frustrating given how far I've come in such a little time.

I am trying to work here and there, but things are a bit overwhelming for me at the moment and I'm having trouble focusing and staying dedicated. I would say outside influences on my life definitely have an adverse affect to my writing time.

Apart from the financial troubles, I have a relative (can one be called "long-lost" if we've never met before?) coming to visit for a bit over a week this month, so the wife and I are preparing for his arrival. Now I do not want, in any way, for this to be construed as frustration because I am beyond excited to meet and spend time with my cousin. So, while preparations are taking time from writing, it's for a great reason.

Now the antsy feeling I'm getting from his arrival is actually due to something very specific: the deadline that I've set for myself - to have a first rough draft of my screenplay finished by mid-July - well...that's for him. I want to finish it while he's here so he can read it. So I'm just nervous that I'm not going to be able to meet this deadline. Here's hoping though. Maybe a few all-nighters will get it done.

The good news about these hurdles is that they're temporary. Eventually, I will pass them all and be able to make a determined sprint for the finish line. As a plus, the job situation may work out brilliantly very soon. I have some good contacts that I'm using to try and get something excellent lined up. That will also help solve the financial hurdle. My cousin's visit is something I'm looking forward to immensely, and, while something of a hurdle, is one that I will easily clear without a problem.

The point is...everything will work out. In the everlasting words of the Blue Lantern Corps:

All will be well...

Yes, I'm a nerd.

Beginning

Alright, it's finally happened. With only a slight lack of some of the final research, I have actually begun the screenplay.

It's been a while since my last post, and there have been a lot of things going on in my life, but I've been doing a lot of research. That includes watching the recent movie "Kill the Irishman", and other Danny Greene documentaries.

So I have been wanting to feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, and I have enough information, at least, to start. So I began the actual screenplay. It's incredible. I have a really good feeling about it so far. There are only a couple things that may need touching up in later drafts. That's a great start, if I do say so myself.

Once I have confidence in copyrights on this work, I'll be able to post samples.

If you're wondering, I use Celtx to write. It's a great, free program you can download from their website, www.celtx.com.

More updates as they come!

Overwhelming

My unproductivity from the last blog post has persisted.

It, along with a number of other things going on in my life, has driven me into a state of moderate depression.

Like most people in this economic climate, I am experiencing financial troubles. Thankfully, I have a job and a home and a wife with an equal income to mine. But certain situations have led up to us clinging to each dollar and cent we have. This will pass, of course, as it always does. I know this. We always get through. Sure, things will be stressful for a few weeks while we build everything back up...but it's still a very depressing state in which to be.

On top of that, and a couple other things, I'm having yet another creative crisis. This seems to happen to me very often, which worries me. I mean, is this going to affect my professional career, when the time comes that I'm writing on a schedule for a planned movie to start pre-production? There's that too: am I even going to get to that point?

That's what has me all upset. I feel like every day I slip further and further away from that life goal...that career that I so desperately want. I do want this for myself, for my future family, pretty much more than anything else. I know that. That is a truth.

So...why can't I do it?

What is keeping me from this stupid project? What is stopping me from writing? Why aren't I motivated? I KNOW I WANT THIS! So why am I not doing ABSOLUTELY everything I can to make it work? What's holding me back? I don't understand this! I'm afraid that I never will understand this! I'm scared that this is some kind of condition, sickness or complex, you know? Am I subconsciously keeping myself from success? From happiness? There's no real other logical explanation I can think of. Why would I do that? I've already mentioned that this is the thing I want...so why keep myself from it? Do I somehow feel I deserve punishment for something?

I really cannot figure this out. And it's frightening that I can't figure it out. I have the goal and the dream, and the desire. But what's missing is my drive and motivation, my determination. I even tried the ever-famous advice of setting a goal for myself, a time-frame in which to complete part of the project. But June is more than a quarter through now...and I'm not close to achieving that marker.

There's so much that's just frustrating me right now. And I'm having trouble reconciling everything. So here I am, pleading into the infinite and uncaring universe that something in me will change. That I will find some kind of reason, or understanding. That I will find my spark and turn it into an everlasting nuclear reactor of creative energy and drive.

I want to be hopeful. I want to be positive.

But I know myself.

Unproductivity

Well I had a three-day, Memorial Day weekend in which existed plenty of time to further my research. I did, at first, on Friday. I spoke with a family member who had further knowledge of crime in Cleveland back in the '60s. That was superbly helpful. But after that, I only really talked about the project twice during the whole weekend. And now, today, I'm paying the price for it. I'm beating myself up for my inactivity.

This is a dangerous point in the story-making process for me. This is limbo. This is that span of time in between serious story preparation and serious story writing where it's up to me to stay on top of the project, to make sure I'm doing everything I need to do, before I actually start writing. Many times in the past, I've struggled here with projects that never make it out of limbo...that are stuck in development hell.

So I'm at that point again with this story...and it's a story that I'm excited to write - I'm invested, I'm anxious. I want this to happen, to work. I want this story told. I've never felt this kind of fire in my chest for any past project. And I've always been excited about my past projects. Therefore the self-inflicted consequences of not getting this done are so much greater.

That all having been said, today I understandably feel awful. I feel like I squandered the weekend away with nonsense that won't amount to anything worth while. It definitely didn't contribute to the project or its progress. So what the hell was it for? Why didn't I work? Man, I hope I can get my head back on straight...because I can't stay this unhappy with myself for long. I don't want to depress myself.

My goal remains to have at least a first draft script ready and done by the end of July. I still think I can accomplish that, since I now have about two months to go. That's plenty of time to get the script written. Now it's just a matter of getting myself to actually do it. No more random bursts of accomplishment. No more small moments of success.

I'm in it to win it.

Dawg.

Narrowed

In my search through the history of our nation and its most well-known "steel towns", I have found a lot of interesting information. I know I want the story of the two brothers set against that kind of backdrop, and I want that industrial infrastructure to have influence on the story too. There were four cities that I could think of that are known for their industrial economic base: Detroit, Louisville, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh.

At first, Detroit was really a place that I could imagine the story taking place. I was really into that idea. But as I delved into the Motor City's history, I realized that it just doesn't fit demographically and due to other story requirements that I had.

It pleased me, though, to see that - as I researched the other cities - one of them was really pulling through as a definite possibility. My home-away-from-home, Cleveland. I have to admit, I love Cleveland. Probably because I don't live there. Though I think if I were to move there, it would take some time to finally get tired of it. Everyone who lives there/grew up there say the same thing - they wish they could get out of Cleveland.

And you know what? That's perfect for my story. 

So I started doing more and more research on Cleveland between the 1950s and 1980s, forming a history for the family in my story based around the actual history of Cleveland. I spoke with family of mine that spent their lives there, that had firsthand knowledge of what it was like back then.

I'm really finding that this will really fit my story. I'm finding this is the setting the story needs, deserves. I'm happy that I've found my city. Cleveland has always held a special place in my heart - visiting family during the holidays, going to Indians games in the summer and fall, chilling in Strongsville and Lakewood, driving up to Cedar Point...all sorts of fun was had throughout my life in my many visits to Cleveland.

So now it's just a matter of narrowing down the time frame that this will all take place in. As I mentioned before, I have certain time periods that are my favorites, and learning more about Cleveland in those times is a blast. I'm having so much fun with this research. I cannot wait to start putting in the pieces of real-world situations and problems into the background of my story.

There you have it, folks. Story's set in Cleveland.

Specificity

So after finally finishing that story for my script, I've decided to take a small break in writing. This is mainly due to some kind of sickness I've had this past weekend (from food, booze...or a combination of the two), but also because the writing NEEDS a quick break.

Please, allow me to explain. *adjusts imaginary glasses smirking*

As mentioned in the title of this post (by the way, I'm having so much fun creating these single-worded titles), the story is in need of some specificity...some detail that I have left out so far. Most of this detail was purposely not included. Let me clear the air a bit with what all this is about.

My story is about two brothers who are separated, and the younger of them seeks out on a sole journey to find the elder. The younger brother then gets messed up with all sorts of bad things.

So, those kinds of things he becomes involved in, and how he's involved, is very much determined by a couple of things:
Location
and time.
These details have been left out because I have not yet decided on how I want to work those into the story. I have some ideas on what to do...and it definitely brings up some very exciting premises. For example there are certain time periods that are my favorites...and trying to work my story into those time periods is something to which I'm looking forward.

Location has been something I've been wrestling with as well. I know I want the place to be somewhat industrial, so it needs to have that reputation. Like a steel city, or motor city. I have a short list of what I want, so it's time for that tool every writer loves...

RESEARCH!!

So that will fill my stint of time spent not writing. I must do lots of research on locations, preferably industrial cities, during certain time periods. This will affect the culture and characters in my story. And so much more.

If you have any suggestions on where to find that kind of information (besides the obvious "internet" and "libraries" - remember: specificity), let me know!

Stay tuned!

Payoff

Wow, I cannot believe how easy that was.

I can't believe how useful a bout of slight depression was.

This has been an outstanding week, and I have incredible news. Since my last blog post, I have finished the very first draft of the story for my screenplay. I was so mad at myself that I wasn't making any progress, and letting everything get in the way. I channeled that anger, and made sure I did everything I could, into shaping this story and putting it all down. What speed I had hidden there just under the surface of laziness!

This isn't to say that the screenplay's written, because no. In fact, I have written out, in story format, all of the major (and some minor) points of the story. From here, it will be infinitesimally easier to translate my idea into a screenplay. I am very excited.

I spent every day on this. There wasn't a moment where I was not thinking about this story and everything I could do with it. And now the first rough draft is complete.

I know very well that it's possible that some elements will change as I write and research further into my idea, so it will be interesting to find out what works and what doesn't stick. I'm hoping for something very similar to how this story goes, though. My main goal, though, is to make sure the story feels genuine, and sincere. So here goes!

Follow along for more updates as they come!

Sincerity

Go easy on me, this is my first blog post sent via email.

I have to ask myself today: Am I serious?

I've been talking about writing being a career of mine since high school, possibly before (sincerely, though, since high school). And here I am, with ample time to get some writing done on my project, doing anything but.

Instead I am passing my time browsing the puzzle games on the internet, and mastering my Sudoku skills.

Don't get me wrong, those activities are quite enjoyable. But you can't (strangely) make a career out of earning all the achievement badges on Kongregate.com. And if it's not that, then it's video games. Or TV. Or this and that, and this and that. So...the question begs asking:

Am I serious?

Do I have the drive to start a project and see it through? Do I have the determination to be able to STOP. AT. NOTHING...to get my ideas out to the public in the way I want? Do I sacrifice other activities, time doing other things I enjoy that are much easier than constructing a solid, compelling story; to dedicate my time to my work?

Right now, no. And that, folks, is depressing.

But why is that? I know I have only myself to blame. I'm well aware of my 100% involvement in my own despair. The question I have now is "why?" What is making me do this? Why is my drive so out of gas? I know I'm not tired of my story, not bored with my project - it's still a very exciting project to me! I love the story, I love the characters, and I love how they're growing and developing, right before my eyes.

And I am making progress. It's not like it's a stagnant, stale and static (yay, alliteration!) piece of junk that's just not going anywhere. It's taking shape. It's growing. It's becoming a full story, and I'm behind it! But I don't want to be the writer that makes a little bit of progress on his work every month and a half.

My goal set in my previous blog post, about finishing the written-story of my screenplay before going to bed that night?

Yeah, I fell asleep.

My goal to have, at least, a first draft of the screenplay finished by the end of July is looking more and more unattainable the more and more inactive I become.

So, WAKE UP, David! Get your ass in gear! Get it together! Get that damn story written! It's a story that needs to be told, needs to be heard, and needs to be seen! What is it going to take?! I NEED TO KNOW!

Here's to hard work, determination, and the will to have the life I want as a successful screenwriter.

Let's get this done.

Focus

So there has not been much of an update here in a while, and there's a perfectly understandable reason as to why. Whether that reason is "acceptable" or not...I'll leave up to you (hint: it's not).

There just hasn't been much done in the way of writing lately.

"Boo!" and "Hiss!" you might say. I'm right there too, cursing myself for my lack of action. I want more than anything to sit down and just write this thing! Write until it's done! I know I'm capable of long spans of time filled with nothing but creative finger-diarrhea...but looks like my fingers have been too "dehydrated" this past couple weeks to really put anything useful down.

My mind and heart have just not been in it, I guess. Which is weird because, after talking to my friend, who has been something of a mentor for me for a while; I always feel super inspired and ready to go. But this time, after that initial supernova of excitement, a great black hole grew and sucked in all that bright spark and energy. Sad, I know.

Today, though, I've decided to FOCUS. Today I need to spend hours at a time doing nothing but having my fingers FLY across this keyboard (at 90wpm, no less :P). I went out earlier to watch my little sister in her baseball game, and I had plans for tonight as well...that I have since CANCELED, because I started writing out the story of my new idea and it's feeling damn good. There is no way I can back away from this idea right now and justifiably feel okay about it. This must be done. I must not stop.

I feel, tonight, I can have the full story of this screenplay written out in story-form. This is my goal. I will not sleep until this is done. That's a promise.

Relaxation

Man, let me tell you (as if you didn't know already), there is nothing better after coming home from a long, stressful day at work than sitting down, and talking about and writing for my "new" story!

Today I realized just how incredibly excited about this project I have become. There is so much in place already, it just needs a stronger foundation and structure, not to mention a good amount of research. I have truly found something that I can be passionate about, and it's truly intoxicating.

But man...today was super stressful, and there were many, many times where I just wanted to outright scream as hard as I could at the person on the phone, then throw my handset across the room, and walk out of the building. Luckily nothing of the sort happened, and I still have a job. :)

After a day like today, some therapeutic writing will really cleanse my soul.

That's all. No real serious writing update.

UPDATE TO THIS POST

Okay, so tonight I finished the preliminary storyline for the plot. I have all the major details I need, which is GREAT. It just needs tweaking...and I'm good to start writing a treatment.

More info as it comes!!!

Evolution

I've always been a big supporter of the theory that a story changes from the point of its conception to the finalized form that you see. It's very much like a human being. When it's born, the parents always have an idea of how they would like the baby to grow, what they wish it to do with its life and so on. As that baby grows, the parents see how it takes shape all on its own and becomes interested in so many different things, sometimes as quickly as a light switch being thrown. Finally, the baby, now an adult, has chosen the path it wants to take, and has taken full form as a product of everything it's done and tried throughout its life so far.

Now go through that and replace "parents" with "author", and "baby" with "story". The interests that the baby, or child, has are the various different versions, or directions the story has or goes through.

My story, that I've been working on for over a year, has suddenly morphed into a brand new shape. With the help of a friend, I have something new. Something promising. And, surprisingly, the part of the original version that I thought was so compelling and made the story so original is the part that's been completely omitted now.

I'm not quite ready to start on an outline or treatment yet. It definitely needs more fine-tuning. But I feel this new direction can really allow me to show some harsh realities that I simply did not have time for in the original version.

So, here, we say "goodbye" to several beloved characters. Here, we depart from an exciting action feature, complete with superpowers...and we engage on a heartwarming, tragic and touching story about loyalty and discovering what you really need in life.

I am very excited.

Please keep coming back as I continue to update this blog with more absolute excitement!

Failure?

So I must concede defeat. I must acquiesce to the challenge. I must lay down before the weight of this stone crushes me.

There are two problems I have.

One is, unfortunately, after several attempts to draw a genuine, believable "through-line" out of the story given in the book, I was unable to build a real successful story. I was unable to truthfully create content for a screenplay that remains wholly true to the story in the book.

The other problem is that, because of this inability, I have become extremely stagnant in my writing overall. Notice the lack of updates on this blog alone. So I've been a bit depressed about all that: not being able to write at all. I'm not bitter, or upset at the book adaptation project, but I have other stories that are more developed than this that I put on hold to work on this adaptation.

I just think that, for someone at my level and experience of writing...I'm not quite ready to take on this challenge. I honestly do believe that somewhere there is a story that has the proper elements to create a compelling film, but I and my skill are not able to find it at this time, and it's having a vampiric effect on me - draining me of my energy, my will to write, and my time.

I must, sadly, step down. I do not want to be that disappointment to my grandmother; I love her to pieces. I know that I told her that I would do this...but without help, it's just something I would not be able to do at this point in my life. It is not genuine to what I can write about. Myself, as a writer, am unable to be sincere about this.

That, of course, does not signal the end to this blog. My chambers are deep, indeed, for I am a nautilus. I constantly construct new chambers around me in which to house my most prized possessions, and most cherished creations. I have so much to show. I shall now refocus my efforts into a story that I am 100% about, and something that is truly what I am as a writer.

Please feel free to continue following this blog, or keep coming back as I make new posts to check up on me, as I go back to stories that motivate me to the likes that I remember.

Diversion

It appears that I have, once again, not updated this blog with the frequency that I would like.

However this is an acceptable absence for me. We have taken this time to remodel our living room. When my wife and I moved into this place, we didn't have any of our own furniture. It all came from the good will of other people. While we appreciate those gestures, it's nice to finally start building our future together in the form of FURNITURE!

So this past week we have been hard at work demolishing old furniture and assembling new things. We are expecting more this weekend, and then it should be finished. I'm very excited about what's coming.

It may also be of some coincidence that my lack of progress with the writing project is related to me having forgotten my book at home each day of the week. Thus I have not been able to read at work. A bit of a bummer, yes, but I'm going to be more vigilant in remembering to bring the book every day.

More updates to come soon! Including pictures of the completed living room!

Addition

So here's something interesting. No sooner than I posted on this chronicling than a friend of mine approaches me with an offer of collaboration on an idea he has. I began to grapple, then, with the idea of working on multiple projects (with help on one), and trying to focus on just one so that I can actually get it done.

This is my real problem: Can I actually divert enough of my attention to both projects without sacrificing the quality or time-frame of either?

So here is where I'm worried. Do I go for it? I feel like I'll have enough help in BOTH cases to be able to focus on each fairly. For example -

• The source material for the book is given to me. I will have to create my own stuff for the screenplay, yes, but the basis for everything I need is there already. So creation itself will not be as necessary. Just more of a translation into another language.

• With this second project, this collaboration, it will be just that: working together with another writer. So I will not be the only one on this new thing. I will not be solely tasked with creating every detail. That is definitely a plus.

I believe, for a writer in my stage of professional development, that these are two prime examples of how I need to start my career. Projects where I am not the only person behind the wheel, in some sense of the phrase. I guess I'm looking for advice? Suggestions? Guidance? Something along those lines. What do I do in my case? Do I devote myself completely to just one project until it's finished? Because, with a screenplay, it can take months and months, even more, to perfect. Or do I risk it and try out two projects - even if the second project has minimal involvement until I feel comfortable enough to work on it more and more, over time?

This is my dilemma. What needs to happen?

Incomplete

I need to indulge myself here. My own kind of self-pity, so forgive me.

My question to myself that I'm posing here is...why don't I ever finish a project that I start?

Now, this may be a most discouraging question to see coming from someone who is expecting to write a feature-length film from a book his grandmother wrote. I know how it looks. Believe me when I say that that question bothers me more than anyone else who may read it. It's a problem I've been working with for a very long time, actually.

I cannot even count how many projects or ideas I've began since I took to writing seriously in middle school. I have so many ideas, so many characters, so many stories...it's a bit depressing, really. I always begin...never finish. In fact, of all my writing projects, I've only ever completed one, just out of high school. And even that's disappointing because it was far back enough that my talent was...well, lacking. So it's not that great of a screenplay.

From there it was a run of starting this and that, and quitting projects for whatever reason, and also just plain stopping. But why? What causes me to become so disinterested? It's something that I struggle with a lot, and it's something that, every now and then, gets me down. It's always a fear that I have that, whenever I begin a project, I have to wonder how long it's going to last this time.

So many distractions...I think that's most of it. So I have to really focus here. Hopefully I'll be back to full speed with this reading this week.

Lag

So there has not been an update in some time, I see. I've been aware of this as the week moved on. Here I am telling more people about this blog, asking them to read about it, and even telling them, "Yeah, so I update this about twice a week." ...Yet there hasn't been a new post for one and a half weeks.

There is a reason for this. The past week has been somewhat of an unpredictable one. Usually I use the time I have at work to read the book I'm adapting. Lately, that time has been preoccupied by something else, where that time exists. So not only has this past work week been a bit busy, but I've also been distracted. "Boo," I know. Beyond work, I, myself, have been feeling stranger than normal. There have been some up and some down moments since my last posting. And that has affected my mood and desire to continue this project.

I do plan on picking it back up this week, and get back on the ball...so hopefully I won't become so easily distracted again. On the plus-side, a neighbor of mine gave me a new scriptwriting program that I haven't tried yet. Normally, I just use Celtx, because it's awesome (and before that, my own recorded macros in Microsoft Word). So I'm excited to check out this other software. Can't remember exactly what it's called at this time, but I'll update again with more on that later.

I'm trying to pull myself up out of this slump, and trying to make myself feel better...while also not distracting myself too much as well. I realize that this adaptation will need a lot of work, dedicated time and energy, but sometimes it's so easy to lose sight and focus on the goal. Perhaps I should get back on the Ritalin...that may help. I'll keep updating on how that goes as well (so long as I have some left).