Hope

Check that out, a light at the end of the tunnel...

What gives YOU hope?

Every now and then, I get this feeling. I look at the things around me, at the position I'm in, and I feel a little funny inside. It's really hard to explain just what it does to me, but stomach-dwelling butterflies are involved for sure. A feeling of privilege is present. And a happiness comes into harbor.

It's hope. An extreme positive outlook on my future. Because of how hypercritical I can be of myself, and of how distracted and disheartened I can get, this feeling is rare...especially when it's this strong.

Now, I am one to get my hopes up. I expect a lot, and frequently receive very little. I can't help it though. I'm a hoper. I love the feeling that things are looking bright. It's kind of intoxicating. I get all excited and start sharing the good news (however potential it may be) with everyone! I think a part of this is me wanting to appear successful to people so that they congratulate me and say really positive things. Why do I crave this? I'm not sure...perhaps it's to counter that personal feeling of inadequacy, or to ward off the negativity I've felt from others throughout my life. I can't say, though, because I just don't know.

However, today's hope is brought to you by a seemingly universal alignment. I started writing comic book reviews because I felt overwhelmed by my normal projects that I had been attempting, and that recently turned into something meaning just a little more. My close friendship with Kristen, and my offer to explore some background-less characters has, also, recently turned into something more.

Meanwhile, I look around me and I see certain resources lining up all on their own. One of my favorite DC Comics writers, J.T. Krul, started a blog of his own (find it here and on my sidebar!), and he starts talking about script styles and formats for comic books. This is something I'm very interested in, and I value his opinion so highly. On my Twitter account ([at]chambernaut), I start getting Followers related to writing comics, creating comics, and resources for doing so. Funny enough, creating a comic was an idea I had recently, in regards to one of my long-time project ideas. I even did some research on it.

A good friend of mine, Taz, presents me with priceless advice and resources through which I can perfect my craft. He also instills such confidence into my own abilities and passion for writing that I can't help but feel better about myself after talking to him. Another person whose opinion I value highly. His perceived frustration with me and my...lack of commitment...is actually a clawing, mad hope that I'll find the success I'm looking for.

All of this, combined together, is just something that I can't ignore. I can't sit here and go, "Oh, what a coincidence." That would undermine the whole reason it's happening. Now this doesn't mean I'm going to go swinging all over the place, jumping from one compulsion to the next. I simply know that these are here. I shall remain surrounded by these fantastic turn-offs and side-trips..."tourist traps," I think I'll call them. I enjoy their company, and I'm very excited and happy about the feeling they provide.

Here's to an outstanding 2012.

Direction

Finally...some clarity.

That elusive feeling of being right on target.

I always thought that this would be the case. I really did. All it took for me to really decide on what to do...and to remain focused on a minimal amount of projects at a time...was the incentive. Now I'm not talking money (more like the potential for money), rather the responsibility of finishing something. The fact that there are other people counting on me to do the work. That's all it took. Amazing, right? I really knew that that's all I needed...but obtaining that feeling, that notion, was the hard part.



So I mentioned last time how I write comic reviews on my Tumblr account. That has since turned into something a little bit more. My So Much Comics review contributions can now be found on another website, a group of which I am a part: Real Comic Guys! They saw what I was doing and liked what I had to offer, and wanted me to join their group. The goal of Real Comic Guys is to provide a sort of "one-stop-shop" website for reviews and news for all kinds of comics from all over the web, as well as developing their own original stuff. They're starting out kind of small right now, as they just recently launched, but I feel like this will go very well, and it's nice to be a part of something bigger that shares my passion of comic books. It feels good to be counted on to finish my reviews. People have told me before that they buy comics based off what I say, and hopefully with this new group I can reach even more people.

Secondly, that cartoon in development has suddenly exploded into my main focus. Forget everything else I was doing (except comics :P). This project is going to be what I pour myself into. I met with the creator, named Frank, and my good friend Kristen, who's the art director. They like what I'm bringing to the table in terms of the characters and some thematic ideas for the show. We're all working together, and it's going to be excellent to be a part of a creative team like this. So now they, too, are counting on me to get stuff completed and to them. We have goals that are set. We have schedules (however loose they currently are) to keep. There are plans in place to get certain parts of this done by certain dates. So a lot of it is riding on me to have the story built and completed to the point it's needed.

See Kristen's artwork for project "Galaxy Travelers" on her blog: Howling Wolf Art.

So it seems like all the pieces I need are in place.

1. I'm excited about the project.
2. I have the tools I need.
3. I have the people counting on me.
4. I see the goals set in place for the future.

I'm more responsible for these projects now. Whereas, before, if I didn't get them done it wasn't a big deal because it didn't affect anybody else. Now it's different. Now, if I don't do it...it's my reputation on the line. And I guess that means something to me.

So here goes nothing, and I really hope this cartoon takes off and is bought by some distributing company so that we can all make lots of money. :)

Oh, and so you can all enjoy it too. ;)

What does it take to get you motivated? Are there "pieces" that you look for to keep you involved in a project? Do you think I should get an agent, now that I'm writing for something in development that could one day be bought and distributed? Or should I wait until we're closer to that point?

Stagnation

Good news, bad news time.

Do you find it difficult to juggle multiple ideas?

I do have good news. I'm happier. I'm coming out of that funk that had me so down recently. Thank goodness. I just kind of realized it today while working. I just feel better. I think there was a combination of things that really helped me out this time. There was definitely that comic book signing with J.T. Krul and Sterling Gates. It went so well. It was awesome. I've met Sterling once before, and it was cool seeing him again. And meeting J.T. was just an absolute treat. I'm a big fan of his writing, and to finally get to speak with him about things was so fun. Also, a band that I love, Thrice's new album dropped on Tuesday. Needless to say, it was fantastic. I've listened to it countless times since getting it. I also got a hold of Foster the People's album...and that thing is FUN. It's been doing a great job of keeping me bouncy and upbeat.

So there have been a few things helping me to remember to stay happy lately. The bad news is, unfortunately, about writing. All of my "Brother" materials are still sealed away in our old computer...and I cannot get them off at this time. It appears whenever I turn the computer on, it never properly boots all the way to the desktop. So, my initial solution of just moving all my files to an external HD or a flash drive won't work at this moment...and we'll have to figure something else out.

Since I am uncomfortable continuing to write for "My Missing Brother" without the rest of my pre-written material, and I am still anxious to write, I have to come to a difficult decision. Something I've fallen victim to more than once in the past. Do I temporarily abandon this exercise for another?

I'm really hesitant to make this decision. More than once, my past, fickle self will just leap from one project to another with no rhyme or reason...simply subject to my whim. Even though I do have a reason this time, it still feels like it used to. And I'm afraid it will encourage old bad habits for future ideas and exercises. I treat it like a gateway drug, you know? I'm afraid that changing over, officially, to another exercise of mine will jeopardize my newfound dedication and allow my mind to flippantly decide it wants to write something else whenever it wants.

Can I trust myself to make this decision, and stay dedicated?

Can I hold myself accountable for these ideas and promise to come back to it when it's time?

Another thing that's getting me on this is that this exercise, "My Missing Brother", really meant something to me, and was very close to who I am and why I write. It was meant to be somewhat exorcising. So, leaving it behind for something else feels like I'm betraying myself.

So a simple solution comes up: Why not just start over?


That's definitely a possibility I have not overlooked. I have the Celtx screenwriting program on the new computer, so why not just restart writing the script? A rewrite could possibly help strengthen certain areas as well. Give me a fresh start. But without the original material, I feel like I would be missing things. It'd feel like flying deaf and blind. So, who cares? Right? I should just at least try it, yes? If it doesn't work, then at least I've exhausted my options, and I wouldn't feel as guilty, possibly, in moving on to another exercise for the time being.

There is that. The other side of it is these other exercises are very attractive to me. They're exciting and fresh. I look at the one about the struggling screenwriter and a fire lights under me. I look at my fantasy-setting story, and I become inspired, imagining sprawling landscapes. I think about the story about the group of friends growing up, and I am filled with all sorts of ideas about how these people will be struggling through their lives.

So why not just start with a new one anyway? Without even attempting a rewrite on "My Missing Brother"?

That's where I'm torn. My feelings about both sides of it are strong, and I cannot decide. So that's causing inaction. Maybe I should just flip a coin. If I simply cannot decide...let's allow fate to decide. So here we go. I'm actually doing this write now, as I type.

Heads: I attempt a rewrite of "My Missing Brother"
Tails: I move on to another exercise for now

Call it! [flip]

Wow. After I caught it, I had to take a moment to breathe before looking.

It's Heads.

So there you go. It seems much easier with the decision out of my hands. I understand how Two-Face feels now. I feel calmer. Ready.

No more agony for me right now. I'm going to get started on this soon.

Do you find it hard to work on multiple stories at one time? What kind of techniques do you employ to keep them separated in your mind and writing area? Or do you feel totally loyal to one story until it's finished? How many ideas have you started and then left behind? How many of those were left behind for no apparent reason?


Thanks for reading!

Certainty

I feel like I have to apologize...but I know even that serves into this self-pitying purpose that this blog seems to have become. I think I'm writing in it out of spite now. The apology mentioned is because of the last blog post. It came off a lot more "attention-whorey" than I wanted.

That post was a precursor to a near-and-total meltdown on my part.

I have not been dealing with a few issues in my life properly, and my writing has been a huge part of that. I had to come face to face with the demon in my life: the fact that I NEVER finish any of my projects. No matter what the cause (even though the causes are all me). This is something that's been plaguing me for years. Since well over a decade ago. And I always thought I had an answer, but apparently not.

When I first started writing, I knew my craft wasn't excellent. I was way too green. Hell, I still am in many ways. And I used to think that was it: that I wasn't experienced enough or learned enough to know how to complete a work. So I studied. I took courses. I read books. I filled my head with the process. Yet the problem remained. I thought it could possibly be the projects themselves - the subject matter. Was it not compelling enough for me? That may have been an infinitesimal fraction of the reason. Point is...I never figured it out.

I would get SO frustrated with myself! So angry! I would beat myself up psychically, wondering why I wasn't worth enough to FINISH something! WHY!? WHY CAN'T IT BE DONE?!!

Luckily, I have close friends and family to thank for helping me through my recent meltdown.

With their help, I learned that my problem with quitting comes from a couple different, related things. Because of my childhood, I apparently feel a need to make something of myself. To be known for something, and to have great accomplishments. This feeds into my desire for personal success. Because of my creative side, I've chosen writing as my outlet and road to that success that I crave. So what does that make me? A writer, of course. And that's how I defined myself. That's the second problem. A man shouldn't define himself by what he does...that leaves him with nothing, were that thing he does to disappear - or, in my case, not come to fruition.

I needed to figure out who I am. How am I defined? And what do I REALLY want out of writing?

I cannot define myself as any of these: "son", "husband", "friend", "employee", "writer". Because I could lose my parents, my wife, my friends, my job, and never become a published writer. So with that revelation comes, what I believe to be, the final truth. I am a creator, an entertainer, a teacher, and a helper. None of those things can be taken from me. Those are all things inherent in my personality, in who I exactly am. Even if I were to be the last person on this planet due to some incredible I-Am-Legend-related disaster, I can still create imaginatively...I can still entertain myself...I can still teach myself as I learn...and I can help myself through it all to the end. My desire, my drive to do all of those things will never subside, no matter where I am in the world.

Looking back over everything I've written in this post, I cannot help but feel an incredible happiness. I finally know who I am. I have faced the darkness within, looked my bare Self in the eye, and I didn't blink. There is no other feeling like this.

I am no longer a writer.

I am simply a man who writes.

Whether I become published, famous, well-known or anything of the sort - I will always love to write. That is my success.

Huh. The original title to this post was "Uncertainty".

I'm still going to write my Cleveland-based story about two brothers separated. I'm still going to write in this blog. I don't care if maybe only three people read it. I just don't know when that next time is going to be. This is an exercise. And apparently an exorcism. And that's helpful.

Beginning

Alright, it's finally happened. With only a slight lack of some of the final research, I have actually begun the screenplay.

It's been a while since my last post, and there have been a lot of things going on in my life, but I've been doing a lot of research. That includes watching the recent movie "Kill the Irishman", and other Danny Greene documentaries.

So I have been wanting to feel like I'm actually accomplishing something, and I have enough information, at least, to start. So I began the actual screenplay. It's incredible. I have a really good feeling about it so far. There are only a couple things that may need touching up in later drafts. That's a great start, if I do say so myself.

Once I have confidence in copyrights on this work, I'll be able to post samples.

If you're wondering, I use Celtx to write. It's a great, free program you can download from their website, www.celtx.com.

More updates as they come!

Acceptance

I guess, if you could say anything about this blog, you could say it's consistent.

Post A: "great progress being made!"

Post B: "I'm so sad because there's no progress!"

Post C: "So depressed... T_T"

Post D: "OMG GREAT PROGRESS MADE!"

Post E: "Man, no progress for a while...."

Go ahead and place your bets on what this post is going to be about. You got it. WOO GREAT PROGRESS!! I guess it's just a creative cycle I go through? Perhaps it's a learning experience I need to overcome or something. I'm really not sure. But, damn, is it annoying. And counter-productive too! So perhaps I just need to accept that this is part of my process. Not all too certain of what needs to be done yet.

However! Let's get back to the best part! I've made leaps and bounds! This is, of course, with some help from a friend and, somewhat, mentor. He even helped me develop the initial premise for my NEXT project, once this one is finished.

You heard it here first (or perhaps right from me in person...): I have a new project lined up after this one. And, boy, is it a doozy.

So, this story idea that I'm working on now used to have a huge superpowers plot to it. But I have slid that aside for the more "human" story buried within. Funny part is I found a way to still make the main character, Jacob, still "super" in his own way. I'm incorporating a condition for Jacob to have that has to do with his memory. This also opens avenues for why he would be attractive to the Mob.

This is turning into a very exciting story. I really hope I can pull it off!

Updates will come as great things happen!

Narrowed

In my search through the history of our nation and its most well-known "steel towns", I have found a lot of interesting information. I know I want the story of the two brothers set against that kind of backdrop, and I want that industrial infrastructure to have influence on the story too. There were four cities that I could think of that are known for their industrial economic base: Detroit, Louisville, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh.

At first, Detroit was really a place that I could imagine the story taking place. I was really into that idea. But as I delved into the Motor City's history, I realized that it just doesn't fit demographically and due to other story requirements that I had.

It pleased me, though, to see that - as I researched the other cities - one of them was really pulling through as a definite possibility. My home-away-from-home, Cleveland. I have to admit, I love Cleveland. Probably because I don't live there. Though I think if I were to move there, it would take some time to finally get tired of it. Everyone who lives there/grew up there say the same thing - they wish they could get out of Cleveland.

And you know what? That's perfect for my story. 

So I started doing more and more research on Cleveland between the 1950s and 1980s, forming a history for the family in my story based around the actual history of Cleveland. I spoke with family of mine that spent their lives there, that had firsthand knowledge of what it was like back then.

I'm really finding that this will really fit my story. I'm finding this is the setting the story needs, deserves. I'm happy that I've found my city. Cleveland has always held a special place in my heart - visiting family during the holidays, going to Indians games in the summer and fall, chilling in Strongsville and Lakewood, driving up to Cedar Point...all sorts of fun was had throughout my life in my many visits to Cleveland.

So now it's just a matter of narrowing down the time frame that this will all take place in. As I mentioned before, I have certain time periods that are my favorites, and learning more about Cleveland in those times is a blast. I'm having so much fun with this research. I cannot wait to start putting in the pieces of real-world situations and problems into the background of my story.

There you have it, folks. Story's set in Cleveland.

Specificity

So after finally finishing that story for my script, I've decided to take a small break in writing. This is mainly due to some kind of sickness I've had this past weekend (from food, booze...or a combination of the two), but also because the writing NEEDS a quick break.

Please, allow me to explain. *adjusts imaginary glasses smirking*

As mentioned in the title of this post (by the way, I'm having so much fun creating these single-worded titles), the story is in need of some specificity...some detail that I have left out so far. Most of this detail was purposely not included. Let me clear the air a bit with what all this is about.

My story is about two brothers who are separated, and the younger of them seeks out on a sole journey to find the elder. The younger brother then gets messed up with all sorts of bad things.

So, those kinds of things he becomes involved in, and how he's involved, is very much determined by a couple of things:
Location
and time.
These details have been left out because I have not yet decided on how I want to work those into the story. I have some ideas on what to do...and it definitely brings up some very exciting premises. For example there are certain time periods that are my favorites...and trying to work my story into those time periods is something to which I'm looking forward.

Location has been something I've been wrestling with as well. I know I want the place to be somewhat industrial, so it needs to have that reputation. Like a steel city, or motor city. I have a short list of what I want, so it's time for that tool every writer loves...

RESEARCH!!

So that will fill my stint of time spent not writing. I must do lots of research on locations, preferably industrial cities, during certain time periods. This will affect the culture and characters in my story. And so much more.

If you have any suggestions on where to find that kind of information (besides the obvious "internet" and "libraries" - remember: specificity), let me know!

Stay tuned!

Payoff

Wow, I cannot believe how easy that was.

I can't believe how useful a bout of slight depression was.

This has been an outstanding week, and I have incredible news. Since my last blog post, I have finished the very first draft of the story for my screenplay. I was so mad at myself that I wasn't making any progress, and letting everything get in the way. I channeled that anger, and made sure I did everything I could, into shaping this story and putting it all down. What speed I had hidden there just under the surface of laziness!

This isn't to say that the screenplay's written, because no. In fact, I have written out, in story format, all of the major (and some minor) points of the story. From here, it will be infinitesimally easier to translate my idea into a screenplay. I am very excited.

I spent every day on this. There wasn't a moment where I was not thinking about this story and everything I could do with it. And now the first rough draft is complete.

I know very well that it's possible that some elements will change as I write and research further into my idea, so it will be interesting to find out what works and what doesn't stick. I'm hoping for something very similar to how this story goes, though. My main goal, though, is to make sure the story feels genuine, and sincere. So here goes!

Follow along for more updates as they come!

Sincerity

Go easy on me, this is my first blog post sent via email.

I have to ask myself today: Am I serious?

I've been talking about writing being a career of mine since high school, possibly before (sincerely, though, since high school). And here I am, with ample time to get some writing done on my project, doing anything but.

Instead I am passing my time browsing the puzzle games on the internet, and mastering my Sudoku skills.

Don't get me wrong, those activities are quite enjoyable. But you can't (strangely) make a career out of earning all the achievement badges on Kongregate.com. And if it's not that, then it's video games. Or TV. Or this and that, and this and that. So...the question begs asking:

Am I serious?

Do I have the drive to start a project and see it through? Do I have the determination to be able to STOP. AT. NOTHING...to get my ideas out to the public in the way I want? Do I sacrifice other activities, time doing other things I enjoy that are much easier than constructing a solid, compelling story; to dedicate my time to my work?

Right now, no. And that, folks, is depressing.

But why is that? I know I have only myself to blame. I'm well aware of my 100% involvement in my own despair. The question I have now is "why?" What is making me do this? Why is my drive so out of gas? I know I'm not tired of my story, not bored with my project - it's still a very exciting project to me! I love the story, I love the characters, and I love how they're growing and developing, right before my eyes.

And I am making progress. It's not like it's a stagnant, stale and static (yay, alliteration!) piece of junk that's just not going anywhere. It's taking shape. It's growing. It's becoming a full story, and I'm behind it! But I don't want to be the writer that makes a little bit of progress on his work every month and a half.

My goal set in my previous blog post, about finishing the written-story of my screenplay before going to bed that night?

Yeah, I fell asleep.

My goal to have, at least, a first draft of the screenplay finished by the end of July is looking more and more unattainable the more and more inactive I become.

So, WAKE UP, David! Get your ass in gear! Get it together! Get that damn story written! It's a story that needs to be told, needs to be heard, and needs to be seen! What is it going to take?! I NEED TO KNOW!

Here's to hard work, determination, and the will to have the life I want as a successful screenwriter.

Let's get this done.

Focus

So there has not been much of an update here in a while, and there's a perfectly understandable reason as to why. Whether that reason is "acceptable" or not...I'll leave up to you (hint: it's not).

There just hasn't been much done in the way of writing lately.

"Boo!" and "Hiss!" you might say. I'm right there too, cursing myself for my lack of action. I want more than anything to sit down and just write this thing! Write until it's done! I know I'm capable of long spans of time filled with nothing but creative finger-diarrhea...but looks like my fingers have been too "dehydrated" this past couple weeks to really put anything useful down.

My mind and heart have just not been in it, I guess. Which is weird because, after talking to my friend, who has been something of a mentor for me for a while; I always feel super inspired and ready to go. But this time, after that initial supernova of excitement, a great black hole grew and sucked in all that bright spark and energy. Sad, I know.

Today, though, I've decided to FOCUS. Today I need to spend hours at a time doing nothing but having my fingers FLY across this keyboard (at 90wpm, no less :P). I went out earlier to watch my little sister in her baseball game, and I had plans for tonight as well...that I have since CANCELED, because I started writing out the story of my new idea and it's feeling damn good. There is no way I can back away from this idea right now and justifiably feel okay about it. This must be done. I must not stop.

I feel, tonight, I can have the full story of this screenplay written out in story-form. This is my goal. I will not sleep until this is done. That's a promise.

Relaxation

Man, let me tell you (as if you didn't know already), there is nothing better after coming home from a long, stressful day at work than sitting down, and talking about and writing for my "new" story!

Today I realized just how incredibly excited about this project I have become. There is so much in place already, it just needs a stronger foundation and structure, not to mention a good amount of research. I have truly found something that I can be passionate about, and it's truly intoxicating.

But man...today was super stressful, and there were many, many times where I just wanted to outright scream as hard as I could at the person on the phone, then throw my handset across the room, and walk out of the building. Luckily nothing of the sort happened, and I still have a job. :)

After a day like today, some therapeutic writing will really cleanse my soul.

That's all. No real serious writing update.

UPDATE TO THIS POST

Okay, so tonight I finished the preliminary storyline for the plot. I have all the major details I need, which is GREAT. It just needs tweaking...and I'm good to start writing a treatment.

More info as it comes!!!

Evolution

I've always been a big supporter of the theory that a story changes from the point of its conception to the finalized form that you see. It's very much like a human being. When it's born, the parents always have an idea of how they would like the baby to grow, what they wish it to do with its life and so on. As that baby grows, the parents see how it takes shape all on its own and becomes interested in so many different things, sometimes as quickly as a light switch being thrown. Finally, the baby, now an adult, has chosen the path it wants to take, and has taken full form as a product of everything it's done and tried throughout its life so far.

Now go through that and replace "parents" with "author", and "baby" with "story". The interests that the baby, or child, has are the various different versions, or directions the story has or goes through.

My story, that I've been working on for over a year, has suddenly morphed into a brand new shape. With the help of a friend, I have something new. Something promising. And, surprisingly, the part of the original version that I thought was so compelling and made the story so original is the part that's been completely omitted now.

I'm not quite ready to start on an outline or treatment yet. It definitely needs more fine-tuning. But I feel this new direction can really allow me to show some harsh realities that I simply did not have time for in the original version.

So, here, we say "goodbye" to several beloved characters. Here, we depart from an exciting action feature, complete with superpowers...and we engage on a heartwarming, tragic and touching story about loyalty and discovering what you really need in life.

I am very excited.

Please keep coming back as I continue to update this blog with more absolute excitement!