Hopping

Some old problems return....

Severe writing ADD and genre changing. You mad, bro?

I honestly feel like my brain is trolling my brain.

So I know I have not updated this blog in a long time, and there really is a reason for that. I have been taking a break from my own, creative writing projects (or exercises) so that I may kind of let my brain rest. It's exhausting to always just create, create, create, create, create, and create from nothing at all. To bring to life entire worlds, filled with real and full characters that live and breathe and make decisions that affect other characters around them, and all that. I guess I'm just not used to all that yet, on such a constant basis.

So I stepped away. I put everything on hold and started doing something else. Now, it's been made abundantly clear that I'm a fan of comic books. So, since I still wanted to write - don't want to completely dry up here, now do I? - I started a Tumblr account dedicated entirely to my love of comic books. On it, I "review" every comic book I read (I hate using the word "review," because I am by no stretch a professional of the business, but there you have it). So, if you're interested in that, you can check out my Tumblr here: http://somuchcomics.tumblr.com. Now, I have been spending almost all my time there, writing and researching. I've also been forming what I call "working acquaintances" with the various comic creators themselves. I've got some of them even following my Twitter account ([at]chambernaut)! And I've gained a loyal following of everyday readers. Hurray!

This has actually brought something out in me...something I've had in my head for a little bit. There's one story that I have been developing for years. It has so much content and so much to offer. I honestly don't think it would fit into one or two books, and especially not a screenplay. So...what's left? Comic books, of course. I had an epiphany, and I realized that this idea would make a great comic book! Now...how do you make a comic book? Well, I'm getting there, very slowly, and I'm looking at a couple of companies for publishing - Image Comics, for example. So we'll see where that goes.

But here's the problem, folks - and here's where that trolling comes in, I've always had the tendency to "project hop," and go from one thing to the next. This has been pointed out to me many times. Currently, the screenplay I started is still lying untouched since I put it on hold. I've been doing the comic reviews. Recently, another opportunity has appeared...for me to write a pilot for a cartoon series that a dear friend of mine is involved in (for her incredible art blog, go here: http://howling-wolf-art.blogspot.com). This is something I'd love to do...and I discovered something about myself.

I can do the half-hour format very well.

So...where I'm able to write and finish a half-hour script...am I not yet meant to try and tackle a feature-length screenplay? Is this the sign I needed? Am I not ready for movies? It's a shame, because I definitely have a lot of great ideas that I want to develop...and this just means I have to wait longer to see them through. Perhaps I need to master the half-hour format first and then try to take on feature-length scripts, once I'm experienced enough. Now...I'm okay with this discovery, truly I am. In fact, I'm excited about it! I'm so glad I've found something that fits! And it's TV! I do like TV, and cartoons!


Let's play catch up here. I have my not-so-half-finished screenplay sitting on hold. I have the comics Tumblr that's becoming more and more popular. I have this cartoon that I hope to get into. And I want to write and create a comic book series. That's four very different projects! All at once! Not to mention, all the while, I'm still coming up with more and more ideas! Since starting all this listed above, I've come up with TWO new ideas that I'm excited about and want to develop! One is more like a feature-length, and the other is more like a TV mini-series. Maybe two 2-hour episodes. Something you'd see on SyFy Channel.

INSANE, RIGHT?! I mean, how am I supposed to compete with this brain of mine?! How did I ever think I had any hope of surviving?! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to focus on right now? What am I meant for? I feel like I don't have time to focus on each thing individually, at a time, because then I'll have lost opportunities and moments of potential. I feel like I need to try everything at once so that I don't miss out on anything. It's a very frantic, uncomfortable feeling.

Aside from telling myself to relax and focus on one project at a time, anyone have any advice for me? Does anyone find that they're okay with working on multiple projects at a time? Here's another thing...some of these comic creators are covering more than one book a month. So I know it's possible...and I know I can at least attempt that much...but what's the secret? The time management secret?

Stagnation

Good news, bad news time.

Do you find it difficult to juggle multiple ideas?

I do have good news. I'm happier. I'm coming out of that funk that had me so down recently. Thank goodness. I just kind of realized it today while working. I just feel better. I think there was a combination of things that really helped me out this time. There was definitely that comic book signing with J.T. Krul and Sterling Gates. It went so well. It was awesome. I've met Sterling once before, and it was cool seeing him again. And meeting J.T. was just an absolute treat. I'm a big fan of his writing, and to finally get to speak with him about things was so fun. Also, a band that I love, Thrice's new album dropped on Tuesday. Needless to say, it was fantastic. I've listened to it countless times since getting it. I also got a hold of Foster the People's album...and that thing is FUN. It's been doing a great job of keeping me bouncy and upbeat.

So there have been a few things helping me to remember to stay happy lately. The bad news is, unfortunately, about writing. All of my "Brother" materials are still sealed away in our old computer...and I cannot get them off at this time. It appears whenever I turn the computer on, it never properly boots all the way to the desktop. So, my initial solution of just moving all my files to an external HD or a flash drive won't work at this moment...and we'll have to figure something else out.

Since I am uncomfortable continuing to write for "My Missing Brother" without the rest of my pre-written material, and I am still anxious to write, I have to come to a difficult decision. Something I've fallen victim to more than once in the past. Do I temporarily abandon this exercise for another?

I'm really hesitant to make this decision. More than once, my past, fickle self will just leap from one project to another with no rhyme or reason...simply subject to my whim. Even though I do have a reason this time, it still feels like it used to. And I'm afraid it will encourage old bad habits for future ideas and exercises. I treat it like a gateway drug, you know? I'm afraid that changing over, officially, to another exercise of mine will jeopardize my newfound dedication and allow my mind to flippantly decide it wants to write something else whenever it wants.

Can I trust myself to make this decision, and stay dedicated?

Can I hold myself accountable for these ideas and promise to come back to it when it's time?

Another thing that's getting me on this is that this exercise, "My Missing Brother", really meant something to me, and was very close to who I am and why I write. It was meant to be somewhat exorcising. So, leaving it behind for something else feels like I'm betraying myself.

So a simple solution comes up: Why not just start over?


That's definitely a possibility I have not overlooked. I have the Celtx screenwriting program on the new computer, so why not just restart writing the script? A rewrite could possibly help strengthen certain areas as well. Give me a fresh start. But without the original material, I feel like I would be missing things. It'd feel like flying deaf and blind. So, who cares? Right? I should just at least try it, yes? If it doesn't work, then at least I've exhausted my options, and I wouldn't feel as guilty, possibly, in moving on to another exercise for the time being.

There is that. The other side of it is these other exercises are very attractive to me. They're exciting and fresh. I look at the one about the struggling screenwriter and a fire lights under me. I look at my fantasy-setting story, and I become inspired, imagining sprawling landscapes. I think about the story about the group of friends growing up, and I am filled with all sorts of ideas about how these people will be struggling through their lives.

So why not just start with a new one anyway? Without even attempting a rewrite on "My Missing Brother"?

That's where I'm torn. My feelings about both sides of it are strong, and I cannot decide. So that's causing inaction. Maybe I should just flip a coin. If I simply cannot decide...let's allow fate to decide. So here we go. I'm actually doing this write now, as I type.

Heads: I attempt a rewrite of "My Missing Brother"
Tails: I move on to another exercise for now

Call it! [flip]

Wow. After I caught it, I had to take a moment to breathe before looking.

It's Heads.

So there you go. It seems much easier with the decision out of my hands. I understand how Two-Face feels now. I feel calmer. Ready.

No more agony for me right now. I'm going to get started on this soon.

Do you find it hard to work on multiple stories at one time? What kind of techniques do you employ to keep them separated in your mind and writing area? Or do you feel totally loyal to one story until it's finished? How many ideas have you started and then left behind? How many of those were left behind for no apparent reason?


Thanks for reading!

Recovering

I'm trying to climb my way out of this funk. I'm not well-equipped to handle this amount of anger and depression.

What usually cheers you up?

So, from my last blog post, you may know that I've been a bit down lately. Well...it's been a real roller coaster this past week. I'm finally looking at the light at the end, but it's so bright that I can't tell how far ahead of me it actually is. So I don't know how far I'll have to go to reach it.

Basically I'm saying I don't know what I have to do to reach that happiness again.

Sterling Gates's Kid Flash Lost #1

J.T. Krul's Teen Titans #100

I've tried this. I've tried that. It all seems so up in the air. I have some things I'm looking forward to this month, and I'm sure I'll have a good time with those. I'm meeting DC Comics writer J.T. Krul (Teen Titans, Green Arrow, Captain Atom), and seeing writer Sterling Gates (Kid Flash Lost, Hawk & Dove) again, this Wednesday in Pasadena. I'm extremely excited about that. I also have a Chevelle concert the following Wednesday (and another meet-n-greet with J.T.).

That next Sunday, I'm flying out to Ohio to see my Mom...and then we're driving back to California together so she can live with us for a little while. I'm also very excited about this.

I'll be getting my own personal netbook next month, something I can carry with me places and whip it out whenever I feel like writing. Something to store all of my information on so that I can have it all in one, organized place.

"Nothing to show for it."

The beginning of November brings my birthday. I'll be a quarter of a century old. I'm not sure if that's something to be happy about or not yet...as I'm still struggling with that whole feeling of "having nothing to show for it" at this point (that's career-wise, mind you). How long is THAT lovely feeling going to last?

So I do have reasons to be happy. But last night and today, I was just SO ANGRY. It's like George Carlin said: I hate it when cashiers tell me to have a great day. What if I didn't want a great day? What if I had 364 good days in a row, and I just really want to have a shitty day?

It's like that. It's almost like I'm determined to have a bad day.

Last night, I felt so frustrated and destructive that I decided to try and be constructive with that energy, instead of internalizing it and causing myself emotional harm. I decided to take it out on the only kinds of people who can continually and silently take that kind of punishment: my characters. They take everything and anything I throw at them. I focused my writing anger into a writer character - for my next story idea. I wrote a quick scene in which the character, fed up with everything around him, contemplated and even attempted suicide in a heated emotional moment. But he chickens out. This turned into the scene that I want to start the screenplay with, maybe. And today, as I sat here, unusually pissed off at my work, I wrote more about this story...piecing the beginnings together.

It's turned into something that, while somewhat hollow still, I can go off.

So I'm trying to bring myself out of it. I'm trying to feel better. I want to feel better. But sometimes it's hard. It's difficult to just switch off angry mode. But...I have a couple days off now. My mid-week weekend starts tomorrow. It'll be good to unwind. Do some housework to keep my mind occupied. Then some more writing. Hopefully tomorrow I won't be wearing my angry face.

DNF

My wife and I were able to get our place set up and ready to receive my cousin. He came, we did stuff, and now he's away with friends of his. He may return to our abode before leaving for back home, he may not. Plans are a bit up in the air. The point is...as can be discerned from the title of this blog post...that I did not finish.

However, in choosing to look at the bright side, I cannot necessarily be disappointed in myself as I mostly expected this.

I'm horrible with writing deadlines. I can imagine myself being not-so-successful in the business because of this. Who knows, maybe with a financial incentive things would be different. I fear a lot of the excitement I had before for this project has just gone out. I find myself bored when I ask if I should write. Then I end up doing something else.

I've recently been trying to psych myself up and get back into the project, especially now that things have calmed down substantially at home. Job stresses are easing as well, and I'm hopeful for a position that's available to me. All of this combined is turning me back on to my project. But I fear that I'm not as interested as I used to be, and this is because I don't talk to anyone about the project. There's no back-and-forth. That always gets my blood pumping. So what does that mean? Am I meant to be a collaborative writer? With a partner or team? Who knows?

Someone on Twitter said: "Writing: 'This is interesting!' --> effort --> effort --> effort --> finished --> 'this is stupid, who cares'"

But with me, it feels like I don't ever reach the "finished" part before I get fed up and go "this is stupid, who cares". I was hoping that this blog would be a healthy output that would provide that communication for me, but there's no real return coming back .There's the "back" I need, but no "forth". And I understand and accept this. I knew from the moment I started this blog that it wouldn't be hugely popular, that I wouldn't have followers, that there wouldn't be intense open discussions here.

Knowing that, I still started the blog, because I thought it would be helpful for me to have an outlet of some kind...even if it was me and only me. I know the three reasons that people read blogs: 1) really good SEO, 2) really famous, or 3) really funny/interesting. I know I don't have any of those and I'm okay with that. I mean, notice how I barely follow any kind of schedule in making new posts.

So the point is...is this blog a successful outlet for my thoughts and frustrations regarding my writing?

And if it's not, do I continue writing for it? And where do I go to find that back-and-forth discussion that spurs me into action?

If I do find that someone or somewhere...do I keep this blog going anyway?

I do consider writing to be somewhat self-serving (in a more positive way than the term connotes), and this blog is about as self-serving as it gets (in more of the negative way). And yes, I am totally aware that this blog is a personal pity party. A PPP, if you will.

Acceptance

I guess, if you could say anything about this blog, you could say it's consistent.

Post A: "great progress being made!"

Post B: "I'm so sad because there's no progress!"

Post C: "So depressed... T_T"

Post D: "OMG GREAT PROGRESS MADE!"

Post E: "Man, no progress for a while...."

Go ahead and place your bets on what this post is going to be about. You got it. WOO GREAT PROGRESS!! I guess it's just a creative cycle I go through? Perhaps it's a learning experience I need to overcome or something. I'm really not sure. But, damn, is it annoying. And counter-productive too! So perhaps I just need to accept that this is part of my process. Not all too certain of what needs to be done yet.

However! Let's get back to the best part! I've made leaps and bounds! This is, of course, with some help from a friend and, somewhat, mentor. He even helped me develop the initial premise for my NEXT project, once this one is finished.

You heard it here first (or perhaps right from me in person...): I have a new project lined up after this one. And, boy, is it a doozy.

So, this story idea that I'm working on now used to have a huge superpowers plot to it. But I have slid that aside for the more "human" story buried within. Funny part is I found a way to still make the main character, Jacob, still "super" in his own way. I'm incorporating a condition for Jacob to have that has to do with his memory. This also opens avenues for why he would be attractive to the Mob.

This is turning into a very exciting story. I really hope I can pull it off!

Updates will come as great things happen!

Overwhelming

My unproductivity from the last blog post has persisted.

It, along with a number of other things going on in my life, has driven me into a state of moderate depression.

Like most people in this economic climate, I am experiencing financial troubles. Thankfully, I have a job and a home and a wife with an equal income to mine. But certain situations have led up to us clinging to each dollar and cent we have. This will pass, of course, as it always does. I know this. We always get through. Sure, things will be stressful for a few weeks while we build everything back up...but it's still a very depressing state in which to be.

On top of that, and a couple other things, I'm having yet another creative crisis. This seems to happen to me very often, which worries me. I mean, is this going to affect my professional career, when the time comes that I'm writing on a schedule for a planned movie to start pre-production? There's that too: am I even going to get to that point?

That's what has me all upset. I feel like every day I slip further and further away from that life goal...that career that I so desperately want. I do want this for myself, for my future family, pretty much more than anything else. I know that. That is a truth.

So...why can't I do it?

What is keeping me from this stupid project? What is stopping me from writing? Why aren't I motivated? I KNOW I WANT THIS! So why am I not doing ABSOLUTELY everything I can to make it work? What's holding me back? I don't understand this! I'm afraid that I never will understand this! I'm scared that this is some kind of condition, sickness or complex, you know? Am I subconsciously keeping myself from success? From happiness? There's no real other logical explanation I can think of. Why would I do that? I've already mentioned that this is the thing I want...so why keep myself from it? Do I somehow feel I deserve punishment for something?

I really cannot figure this out. And it's frightening that I can't figure it out. I have the goal and the dream, and the desire. But what's missing is my drive and motivation, my determination. I even tried the ever-famous advice of setting a goal for myself, a time-frame in which to complete part of the project. But June is more than a quarter through now...and I'm not close to achieving that marker.

There's so much that's just frustrating me right now. And I'm having trouble reconciling everything. So here I am, pleading into the infinite and uncaring universe that something in me will change. That I will find some kind of reason, or understanding. That I will find my spark and turn it into an everlasting nuclear reactor of creative energy and drive.

I want to be hopeful. I want to be positive.

But I know myself.

Unproductivity

Well I had a three-day, Memorial Day weekend in which existed plenty of time to further my research. I did, at first, on Friday. I spoke with a family member who had further knowledge of crime in Cleveland back in the '60s. That was superbly helpful. But after that, I only really talked about the project twice during the whole weekend. And now, today, I'm paying the price for it. I'm beating myself up for my inactivity.

This is a dangerous point in the story-making process for me. This is limbo. This is that span of time in between serious story preparation and serious story writing where it's up to me to stay on top of the project, to make sure I'm doing everything I need to do, before I actually start writing. Many times in the past, I've struggled here with projects that never make it out of limbo...that are stuck in development hell.

So I'm at that point again with this story...and it's a story that I'm excited to write - I'm invested, I'm anxious. I want this to happen, to work. I want this story told. I've never felt this kind of fire in my chest for any past project. And I've always been excited about my past projects. Therefore the self-inflicted consequences of not getting this done are so much greater.

That all having been said, today I understandably feel awful. I feel like I squandered the weekend away with nonsense that won't amount to anything worth while. It definitely didn't contribute to the project or its progress. So what the hell was it for? Why didn't I work? Man, I hope I can get my head back on straight...because I can't stay this unhappy with myself for long. I don't want to depress myself.

My goal remains to have at least a first draft script ready and done by the end of July. I still think I can accomplish that, since I now have about two months to go. That's plenty of time to get the script written. Now it's just a matter of getting myself to actually do it. No more random bursts of accomplishment. No more small moments of success.

I'm in it to win it.

Dawg.

Specificity

So after finally finishing that story for my script, I've decided to take a small break in writing. This is mainly due to some kind of sickness I've had this past weekend (from food, booze...or a combination of the two), but also because the writing NEEDS a quick break.

Please, allow me to explain. *adjusts imaginary glasses smirking*

As mentioned in the title of this post (by the way, I'm having so much fun creating these single-worded titles), the story is in need of some specificity...some detail that I have left out so far. Most of this detail was purposely not included. Let me clear the air a bit with what all this is about.

My story is about two brothers who are separated, and the younger of them seeks out on a sole journey to find the elder. The younger brother then gets messed up with all sorts of bad things.

So, those kinds of things he becomes involved in, and how he's involved, is very much determined by a couple of things:
Location
and time.
These details have been left out because I have not yet decided on how I want to work those into the story. I have some ideas on what to do...and it definitely brings up some very exciting premises. For example there are certain time periods that are my favorites...and trying to work my story into those time periods is something to which I'm looking forward.

Location has been something I've been wrestling with as well. I know I want the place to be somewhat industrial, so it needs to have that reputation. Like a steel city, or motor city. I have a short list of what I want, so it's time for that tool every writer loves...

RESEARCH!!

So that will fill my stint of time spent not writing. I must do lots of research on locations, preferably industrial cities, during certain time periods. This will affect the culture and characters in my story. And so much more.

If you have any suggestions on where to find that kind of information (besides the obvious "internet" and "libraries" - remember: specificity), let me know!

Stay tuned!

Sincerity

Go easy on me, this is my first blog post sent via email.

I have to ask myself today: Am I serious?

I've been talking about writing being a career of mine since high school, possibly before (sincerely, though, since high school). And here I am, with ample time to get some writing done on my project, doing anything but.

Instead I am passing my time browsing the puzzle games on the internet, and mastering my Sudoku skills.

Don't get me wrong, those activities are quite enjoyable. But you can't (strangely) make a career out of earning all the achievement badges on Kongregate.com. And if it's not that, then it's video games. Or TV. Or this and that, and this and that. So...the question begs asking:

Am I serious?

Do I have the drive to start a project and see it through? Do I have the determination to be able to STOP. AT. NOTHING...to get my ideas out to the public in the way I want? Do I sacrifice other activities, time doing other things I enjoy that are much easier than constructing a solid, compelling story; to dedicate my time to my work?

Right now, no. And that, folks, is depressing.

But why is that? I know I have only myself to blame. I'm well aware of my 100% involvement in my own despair. The question I have now is "why?" What is making me do this? Why is my drive so out of gas? I know I'm not tired of my story, not bored with my project - it's still a very exciting project to me! I love the story, I love the characters, and I love how they're growing and developing, right before my eyes.

And I am making progress. It's not like it's a stagnant, stale and static (yay, alliteration!) piece of junk that's just not going anywhere. It's taking shape. It's growing. It's becoming a full story, and I'm behind it! But I don't want to be the writer that makes a little bit of progress on his work every month and a half.

My goal set in my previous blog post, about finishing the written-story of my screenplay before going to bed that night?

Yeah, I fell asleep.

My goal to have, at least, a first draft of the screenplay finished by the end of July is looking more and more unattainable the more and more inactive I become.

So, WAKE UP, David! Get your ass in gear! Get it together! Get that damn story written! It's a story that needs to be told, needs to be heard, and needs to be seen! What is it going to take?! I NEED TO KNOW!

Here's to hard work, determination, and the will to have the life I want as a successful screenwriter.

Let's get this done.

Focus

So there has not been much of an update here in a while, and there's a perfectly understandable reason as to why. Whether that reason is "acceptable" or not...I'll leave up to you (hint: it's not).

There just hasn't been much done in the way of writing lately.

"Boo!" and "Hiss!" you might say. I'm right there too, cursing myself for my lack of action. I want more than anything to sit down and just write this thing! Write until it's done! I know I'm capable of long spans of time filled with nothing but creative finger-diarrhea...but looks like my fingers have been too "dehydrated" this past couple weeks to really put anything useful down.

My mind and heart have just not been in it, I guess. Which is weird because, after talking to my friend, who has been something of a mentor for me for a while; I always feel super inspired and ready to go. But this time, after that initial supernova of excitement, a great black hole grew and sucked in all that bright spark and energy. Sad, I know.

Today, though, I've decided to FOCUS. Today I need to spend hours at a time doing nothing but having my fingers FLY across this keyboard (at 90wpm, no less :P). I went out earlier to watch my little sister in her baseball game, and I had plans for tonight as well...that I have since CANCELED, because I started writing out the story of my new idea and it's feeling damn good. There is no way I can back away from this idea right now and justifiably feel okay about it. This must be done. I must not stop.

I feel, tonight, I can have the full story of this screenplay written out in story-form. This is my goal. I will not sleep until this is done. That's a promise.

Relaxation

Man, let me tell you (as if you didn't know already), there is nothing better after coming home from a long, stressful day at work than sitting down, and talking about and writing for my "new" story!

Today I realized just how incredibly excited about this project I have become. There is so much in place already, it just needs a stronger foundation and structure, not to mention a good amount of research. I have truly found something that I can be passionate about, and it's truly intoxicating.

But man...today was super stressful, and there were many, many times where I just wanted to outright scream as hard as I could at the person on the phone, then throw my handset across the room, and walk out of the building. Luckily nothing of the sort happened, and I still have a job. :)

After a day like today, some therapeutic writing will really cleanse my soul.

That's all. No real serious writing update.

UPDATE TO THIS POST

Okay, so tonight I finished the preliminary storyline for the plot. I have all the major details I need, which is GREAT. It just needs tweaking...and I'm good to start writing a treatment.

More info as it comes!!!

Evolution

I've always been a big supporter of the theory that a story changes from the point of its conception to the finalized form that you see. It's very much like a human being. When it's born, the parents always have an idea of how they would like the baby to grow, what they wish it to do with its life and so on. As that baby grows, the parents see how it takes shape all on its own and becomes interested in so many different things, sometimes as quickly as a light switch being thrown. Finally, the baby, now an adult, has chosen the path it wants to take, and has taken full form as a product of everything it's done and tried throughout its life so far.

Now go through that and replace "parents" with "author", and "baby" with "story". The interests that the baby, or child, has are the various different versions, or directions the story has or goes through.

My story, that I've been working on for over a year, has suddenly morphed into a brand new shape. With the help of a friend, I have something new. Something promising. And, surprisingly, the part of the original version that I thought was so compelling and made the story so original is the part that's been completely omitted now.

I'm not quite ready to start on an outline or treatment yet. It definitely needs more fine-tuning. But I feel this new direction can really allow me to show some harsh realities that I simply did not have time for in the original version.

So, here, we say "goodbye" to several beloved characters. Here, we depart from an exciting action feature, complete with superpowers...and we engage on a heartwarming, tragic and touching story about loyalty and discovering what you really need in life.

I am very excited.

Please keep coming back as I continue to update this blog with more absolute excitement!

Failure?

So I must concede defeat. I must acquiesce to the challenge. I must lay down before the weight of this stone crushes me.

There are two problems I have.

One is, unfortunately, after several attempts to draw a genuine, believable "through-line" out of the story given in the book, I was unable to build a real successful story. I was unable to truthfully create content for a screenplay that remains wholly true to the story in the book.

The other problem is that, because of this inability, I have become extremely stagnant in my writing overall. Notice the lack of updates on this blog alone. So I've been a bit depressed about all that: not being able to write at all. I'm not bitter, or upset at the book adaptation project, but I have other stories that are more developed than this that I put on hold to work on this adaptation.

I just think that, for someone at my level and experience of writing...I'm not quite ready to take on this challenge. I honestly do believe that somewhere there is a story that has the proper elements to create a compelling film, but I and my skill are not able to find it at this time, and it's having a vampiric effect on me - draining me of my energy, my will to write, and my time.

I must, sadly, step down. I do not want to be that disappointment to my grandmother; I love her to pieces. I know that I told her that I would do this...but without help, it's just something I would not be able to do at this point in my life. It is not genuine to what I can write about. Myself, as a writer, am unable to be sincere about this.

That, of course, does not signal the end to this blog. My chambers are deep, indeed, for I am a nautilus. I constantly construct new chambers around me in which to house my most prized possessions, and most cherished creations. I have so much to show. I shall now refocus my efforts into a story that I am 100% about, and something that is truly what I am as a writer.

Please feel free to continue following this blog, or keep coming back as I make new posts to check up on me, as I go back to stories that motivate me to the likes that I remember.