Hope

Check that out, a light at the end of the tunnel...

What gives YOU hope?

Every now and then, I get this feeling. I look at the things around me, at the position I'm in, and I feel a little funny inside. It's really hard to explain just what it does to me, but stomach-dwelling butterflies are involved for sure. A feeling of privilege is present. And a happiness comes into harbor.

It's hope. An extreme positive outlook on my future. Because of how hypercritical I can be of myself, and of how distracted and disheartened I can get, this feeling is rare...especially when it's this strong.

Now, I am one to get my hopes up. I expect a lot, and frequently receive very little. I can't help it though. I'm a hoper. I love the feeling that things are looking bright. It's kind of intoxicating. I get all excited and start sharing the good news (however potential it may be) with everyone! I think a part of this is me wanting to appear successful to people so that they congratulate me and say really positive things. Why do I crave this? I'm not sure...perhaps it's to counter that personal feeling of inadequacy, or to ward off the negativity I've felt from others throughout my life. I can't say, though, because I just don't know.

However, today's hope is brought to you by a seemingly universal alignment. I started writing comic book reviews because I felt overwhelmed by my normal projects that I had been attempting, and that recently turned into something meaning just a little more. My close friendship with Kristen, and my offer to explore some background-less characters has, also, recently turned into something more.

Meanwhile, I look around me and I see certain resources lining up all on their own. One of my favorite DC Comics writers, J.T. Krul, started a blog of his own (find it here and on my sidebar!), and he starts talking about script styles and formats for comic books. This is something I'm very interested in, and I value his opinion so highly. On my Twitter account ([at]chambernaut), I start getting Followers related to writing comics, creating comics, and resources for doing so. Funny enough, creating a comic was an idea I had recently, in regards to one of my long-time project ideas. I even did some research on it.

A good friend of mine, Taz, presents me with priceless advice and resources through which I can perfect my craft. He also instills such confidence into my own abilities and passion for writing that I can't help but feel better about myself after talking to him. Another person whose opinion I value highly. His perceived frustration with me and my...lack of commitment...is actually a clawing, mad hope that I'll find the success I'm looking for.

All of this, combined together, is just something that I can't ignore. I can't sit here and go, "Oh, what a coincidence." That would undermine the whole reason it's happening. Now this doesn't mean I'm going to go swinging all over the place, jumping from one compulsion to the next. I simply know that these are here. I shall remain surrounded by these fantastic turn-offs and side-trips..."tourist traps," I think I'll call them. I enjoy their company, and I'm very excited and happy about the feeling they provide.

Here's to an outstanding 2012.

Direction

Finally...some clarity.

That elusive feeling of being right on target.

I always thought that this would be the case. I really did. All it took for me to really decide on what to do...and to remain focused on a minimal amount of projects at a time...was the incentive. Now I'm not talking money (more like the potential for money), rather the responsibility of finishing something. The fact that there are other people counting on me to do the work. That's all it took. Amazing, right? I really knew that that's all I needed...but obtaining that feeling, that notion, was the hard part.



So I mentioned last time how I write comic reviews on my Tumblr account. That has since turned into something a little bit more. My So Much Comics review contributions can now be found on another website, a group of which I am a part: Real Comic Guys! They saw what I was doing and liked what I had to offer, and wanted me to join their group. The goal of Real Comic Guys is to provide a sort of "one-stop-shop" website for reviews and news for all kinds of comics from all over the web, as well as developing their own original stuff. They're starting out kind of small right now, as they just recently launched, but I feel like this will go very well, and it's nice to be a part of something bigger that shares my passion of comic books. It feels good to be counted on to finish my reviews. People have told me before that they buy comics based off what I say, and hopefully with this new group I can reach even more people.

Secondly, that cartoon in development has suddenly exploded into my main focus. Forget everything else I was doing (except comics :P). This project is going to be what I pour myself into. I met with the creator, named Frank, and my good friend Kristen, who's the art director. They like what I'm bringing to the table in terms of the characters and some thematic ideas for the show. We're all working together, and it's going to be excellent to be a part of a creative team like this. So now they, too, are counting on me to get stuff completed and to them. We have goals that are set. We have schedules (however loose they currently are) to keep. There are plans in place to get certain parts of this done by certain dates. So a lot of it is riding on me to have the story built and completed to the point it's needed.

See Kristen's artwork for project "Galaxy Travelers" on her blog: Howling Wolf Art.

So it seems like all the pieces I need are in place.

1. I'm excited about the project.
2. I have the tools I need.
3. I have the people counting on me.
4. I see the goals set in place for the future.

I'm more responsible for these projects now. Whereas, before, if I didn't get them done it wasn't a big deal because it didn't affect anybody else. Now it's different. Now, if I don't do it...it's my reputation on the line. And I guess that means something to me.

So here goes nothing, and I really hope this cartoon takes off and is bought by some distributing company so that we can all make lots of money. :)

Oh, and so you can all enjoy it too. ;)

What does it take to get you motivated? Are there "pieces" that you look for to keep you involved in a project? Do you think I should get an agent, now that I'm writing for something in development that could one day be bought and distributed? Or should I wait until we're closer to that point?

Hopping

Some old problems return....

Severe writing ADD and genre changing. You mad, bro?

I honestly feel like my brain is trolling my brain.

So I know I have not updated this blog in a long time, and there really is a reason for that. I have been taking a break from my own, creative writing projects (or exercises) so that I may kind of let my brain rest. It's exhausting to always just create, create, create, create, create, and create from nothing at all. To bring to life entire worlds, filled with real and full characters that live and breathe and make decisions that affect other characters around them, and all that. I guess I'm just not used to all that yet, on such a constant basis.

So I stepped away. I put everything on hold and started doing something else. Now, it's been made abundantly clear that I'm a fan of comic books. So, since I still wanted to write - don't want to completely dry up here, now do I? - I started a Tumblr account dedicated entirely to my love of comic books. On it, I "review" every comic book I read (I hate using the word "review," because I am by no stretch a professional of the business, but there you have it). So, if you're interested in that, you can check out my Tumblr here: http://somuchcomics.tumblr.com. Now, I have been spending almost all my time there, writing and researching. I've also been forming what I call "working acquaintances" with the various comic creators themselves. I've got some of them even following my Twitter account ([at]chambernaut)! And I've gained a loyal following of everyday readers. Hurray!

This has actually brought something out in me...something I've had in my head for a little bit. There's one story that I have been developing for years. It has so much content and so much to offer. I honestly don't think it would fit into one or two books, and especially not a screenplay. So...what's left? Comic books, of course. I had an epiphany, and I realized that this idea would make a great comic book! Now...how do you make a comic book? Well, I'm getting there, very slowly, and I'm looking at a couple of companies for publishing - Image Comics, for example. So we'll see where that goes.

But here's the problem, folks - and here's where that trolling comes in, I've always had the tendency to "project hop," and go from one thing to the next. This has been pointed out to me many times. Currently, the screenplay I started is still lying untouched since I put it on hold. I've been doing the comic reviews. Recently, another opportunity has appeared...for me to write a pilot for a cartoon series that a dear friend of mine is involved in (for her incredible art blog, go here: http://howling-wolf-art.blogspot.com). This is something I'd love to do...and I discovered something about myself.

I can do the half-hour format very well.

So...where I'm able to write and finish a half-hour script...am I not yet meant to try and tackle a feature-length screenplay? Is this the sign I needed? Am I not ready for movies? It's a shame, because I definitely have a lot of great ideas that I want to develop...and this just means I have to wait longer to see them through. Perhaps I need to master the half-hour format first and then try to take on feature-length scripts, once I'm experienced enough. Now...I'm okay with this discovery, truly I am. In fact, I'm excited about it! I'm so glad I've found something that fits! And it's TV! I do like TV, and cartoons!


Let's play catch up here. I have my not-so-half-finished screenplay sitting on hold. I have the comics Tumblr that's becoming more and more popular. I have this cartoon that I hope to get into. And I want to write and create a comic book series. That's four very different projects! All at once! Not to mention, all the while, I'm still coming up with more and more ideas! Since starting all this listed above, I've come up with TWO new ideas that I'm excited about and want to develop! One is more like a feature-length, and the other is more like a TV mini-series. Maybe two 2-hour episodes. Something you'd see on SyFy Channel.

INSANE, RIGHT?! I mean, how am I supposed to compete with this brain of mine?! How did I ever think I had any hope of surviving?! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to focus on right now? What am I meant for? I feel like I don't have time to focus on each thing individually, at a time, because then I'll have lost opportunities and moments of potential. I feel like I need to try everything at once so that I don't miss out on anything. It's a very frantic, uncomfortable feeling.

Aside from telling myself to relax and focus on one project at a time, anyone have any advice for me? Does anyone find that they're okay with working on multiple projects at a time? Here's another thing...some of these comic creators are covering more than one book a month. So I know it's possible...and I know I can at least attempt that much...but what's the secret? The time management secret?

Halted

Feeling guilty?  ...Or free?

Has time off ever felt this good?

I think this new frame of mind is finally settling in comfortably. It's got its flannel blanket, its slippers, robe, newspaper or what-have-you...seated back in its favorite chair. I had said previously that I didn't want to write for the "success" of it...to be a famous writer. I wanted to write simply because it made me feel good, because I liked being creative. Just for the sake of writing. At first it was rocky. I felt guilty when I didn't write, didn't get any work done. And that's after, like, two days!

Now? It's been over a month. I haven't written for the "My Missing Brother" story in over a month, since before I left for Cleveland. I also haven't been updating this blog. I thought this would eat away at me. I thought I would feel awful for not trying to live the dream, or at least achieve something! But I don't. I feel fine with it. I've accepted that there will be times when I'm just not feeling it. When I plain don't want to write. And since I'm not relying on any sort of paycheck or anything...there's no fire under my butt to finish.

Now, there was one thing.... I was approached on Twitter by a nice guy who offered his company's professional reading service to me. I was really pleased and excited by this, and really am thinking of taking up the offer. However, I get the impression it's somewhat time-sensitive. And that's cool, I get it. But...if I'm not writing, the window of opportunity closes a little more every day, and I get further from the possibility of qualifying for that offer. I'm both upset and okay with this. It's kind of weird.

I have and I haven't been busy. Sure, I could offer up all kinds of excuses: I'm working, spending time with my wife, spending time with my mom - who's back in town after years of being away, doing things with friends more often, blah blah blah. I also have a Tumblr that I check every day, so I'm spending time on that now, too. Batman: Arkham City just came out, so I've been doing that a lot (and, GOD, is it good!). There's so many other things that I'm choosing to do with my time instead of writing.

Yes, I completely understand that it's never going to get done if I don't DO IT -- but, for once, I don't feel bad about not doing it. It's more of a feeling of, "When I'm ready for it, I'll do it," right now. I guess I'm just not ready.

There is a flip side to this, though. Isn't there always? Alright, so I'm at peace with not writing at this moment. How long will that last? I just had a birthday two days ago. I'm a quarter-of-a-century old now. And please, older folk who've "been around the block" or whatever, don't laugh at how young I am and "how much time I have." I've heard it all (cynical much?). How am I going to feel about my non-progress next month? Next year? When will I start again? And how does this affect my projected timeline?

Everyone has one - a timeline. Something that they have in their minds of where they expect or hope to be at certain points in their life. A plan. Goals. Whatever you want to call it. So what's mine? If I were focused on the success and fame of writing, then I know I should be panicking right now. 25 years old? No real significant, completed work under my belt to show for it? That's not good for publishing or financial success, in my opinion. But, since I feel like I'm okay with not writing for now, that shouldn't matter. And I'm not panicking. I just wonder...how long will that last? 

How much time do I really have?

See, back to that now. Yeah, I just turned 25. Yeah, I'm still young. It's the oldest I've ever been. I'm always told two things - and it's really confusing (tell me if you've heard these before): "You're still young, you've got a lot of time ahead of you," whenever someone encourages me to take my time with things or not to worry -- and, "That time is gonna fly right by, and before you know it, you're 40-something wondering where it all went," whenever I reiterate the first one.

So which is it?

Do I have time? Or don't I?

Or is it a combination? I have time to do what I want, but make sure I do it before it's too late? Still kind of confusing and contradictory, but I'll take it, I guess. Hey, at least I don't have kids I need to worry about and take up my time as well. Yet.

Absence

I suppose I should write up something quick for today.

I am leaving today to fly to Cleveland, OH, to see my Mom...and then drive her back here to California. I'll be gone for about a week. So I thought I'd just quickly update my blog so that it's not too long between posts.

Turns out I have a lot of mixed feelings about this move my Mom's making. Sure, I'm really, really happy to be having her back and local so that I can see her often, but at the same time I'm feeling a pang of sadness for Cleveland itself. I've mentioned it before, how attached to that city I am. It used to be somewhere we'd go every couple of years or so for Christmas in order to visit my Grandma...and therefore was something special. I grew to love the city and the atmosphere (and the snow!). As I got older, I attached myself in other ways. The Cleveland Indians became my favorite sports team. I'd check out the music scene and hit up the Rock Hall.

When my Mom moved out there a few years ago, I was happy for her...because she felt it was something she had to do. I was losing her to Cleveland, but she was gaining happiness from it. Mind you, this is the person I've lived with my whole life. It felt like opposite empty nest anxiety. So we made it a point to get me out there once every year to hang out and spend time together. Hasn't happened in a while, so that's a little bit of a bummer. But, hey, I'm seeing her tomorrow morning. So, happy ending.

So this is, basically, one of the last times I'm going to see Cleveland. My Grandma moved to Tampa, Florida, and my Mom is coming back out here to stay. I now only have one relative in Ohio, my cousin (of whom I've mentioned on this blog before). So we'll see if that ever turns into a return trip. It's difficult to think that I won't need to be returning to Cleveland anytime soon. I love that city. It's always felt like a home away from home. I go, and I always think to myself how I don't want to go back to California. I always want to stay. It's the location and setting of the screenplay I'm writing right now. So it's definitely important to me.

But nothing beats my Mom. She's absolutely fantastic, and incredibly more important to me than a city. So I'll take that over Cleveland any day.

Speaking of my screenplay...

I'M MAKING PROGRESS!!

I'm super happy with how it's going. During the last blog post, fate decided that I should just try to rewrite the script I started (that's currently stuck in limbo), instead of moving on to another project. And holy crap did that work out GREAT. So, knowing how I wanted the story to go, I just sat down and started it right back up at the beginning. Already, I could tell a major difference - an improvement - over the last version. I was doing a much better job of visualizing the scene, seeing everything in this world, and relaying the important information down in the script.

The scene description is better.

The dialog is better.

The characterizations are better.

The pacing is better.

The scene structure is better.

The relationships are better.

This revision is just 100% improved over the last. I'm extremely pleased with how it's going. Interestingly, it also took a very...adult twist. I'm talking in terms of language and graphic content. Sure, there was language before, but I'm not holding back this time. My desire for realness and sincerity in the scenes and dialog is preventing me from sugar-coating anything in this story.

My flame is rekindled in this story, and I'm hard at work. I'm definitely not as far as I was before, even though I feel like I'm working on it more often than I had before, and I'm taking that as a very good thing. It shows I'm taking my time with, focusing on more minute details and working on polishing each little blemish instead of bulldozing entire sections of the screenplay at a time for the sake of timeliness. It really shows.

I cannot wait to post some new scenes up on this blog...which I feel more confident about now...to give an example of what I've been working on, and the improvements it's made. In the meantime, I have to drive my Mom home from Cleveland...and so I'll be taking a little break. Who knows, maybe I'll do some writing during our stops. We'll see.

Have a great week, everyone!