Hopping

Some old problems return....

Severe writing ADD and genre changing. You mad, bro?

I honestly feel like my brain is trolling my brain.

So I know I have not updated this blog in a long time, and there really is a reason for that. I have been taking a break from my own, creative writing projects (or exercises) so that I may kind of let my brain rest. It's exhausting to always just create, create, create, create, create, and create from nothing at all. To bring to life entire worlds, filled with real and full characters that live and breathe and make decisions that affect other characters around them, and all that. I guess I'm just not used to all that yet, on such a constant basis.

So I stepped away. I put everything on hold and started doing something else. Now, it's been made abundantly clear that I'm a fan of comic books. So, since I still wanted to write - don't want to completely dry up here, now do I? - I started a Tumblr account dedicated entirely to my love of comic books. On it, I "review" every comic book I read (I hate using the word "review," because I am by no stretch a professional of the business, but there you have it). So, if you're interested in that, you can check out my Tumblr here: http://somuchcomics.tumblr.com. Now, I have been spending almost all my time there, writing and researching. I've also been forming what I call "working acquaintances" with the various comic creators themselves. I've got some of them even following my Twitter account ([at]chambernaut)! And I've gained a loyal following of everyday readers. Hurray!

This has actually brought something out in me...something I've had in my head for a little bit. There's one story that I have been developing for years. It has so much content and so much to offer. I honestly don't think it would fit into one or two books, and especially not a screenplay. So...what's left? Comic books, of course. I had an epiphany, and I realized that this idea would make a great comic book! Now...how do you make a comic book? Well, I'm getting there, very slowly, and I'm looking at a couple of companies for publishing - Image Comics, for example. So we'll see where that goes.

But here's the problem, folks - and here's where that trolling comes in, I've always had the tendency to "project hop," and go from one thing to the next. This has been pointed out to me many times. Currently, the screenplay I started is still lying untouched since I put it on hold. I've been doing the comic reviews. Recently, another opportunity has appeared...for me to write a pilot for a cartoon series that a dear friend of mine is involved in (for her incredible art blog, go here: http://howling-wolf-art.blogspot.com). This is something I'd love to do...and I discovered something about myself.

I can do the half-hour format very well.

So...where I'm able to write and finish a half-hour script...am I not yet meant to try and tackle a feature-length screenplay? Is this the sign I needed? Am I not ready for movies? It's a shame, because I definitely have a lot of great ideas that I want to develop...and this just means I have to wait longer to see them through. Perhaps I need to master the half-hour format first and then try to take on feature-length scripts, once I'm experienced enough. Now...I'm okay with this discovery, truly I am. In fact, I'm excited about it! I'm so glad I've found something that fits! And it's TV! I do like TV, and cartoons!


Let's play catch up here. I have my not-so-half-finished screenplay sitting on hold. I have the comics Tumblr that's becoming more and more popular. I have this cartoon that I hope to get into. And I want to write and create a comic book series. That's four very different projects! All at once! Not to mention, all the while, I'm still coming up with more and more ideas! Since starting all this listed above, I've come up with TWO new ideas that I'm excited about and want to develop! One is more like a feature-length, and the other is more like a TV mini-series. Maybe two 2-hour episodes. Something you'd see on SyFy Channel.

INSANE, RIGHT?! I mean, how am I supposed to compete with this brain of mine?! How did I ever think I had any hope of surviving?! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to focus on right now? What am I meant for? I feel like I don't have time to focus on each thing individually, at a time, because then I'll have lost opportunities and moments of potential. I feel like I need to try everything at once so that I don't miss out on anything. It's a very frantic, uncomfortable feeling.

Aside from telling myself to relax and focus on one project at a time, anyone have any advice for me? Does anyone find that they're okay with working on multiple projects at a time? Here's another thing...some of these comic creators are covering more than one book a month. So I know it's possible...and I know I can at least attempt that much...but what's the secret? The time management secret?

Halted

Feeling guilty?  ...Or free?

Has time off ever felt this good?

I think this new frame of mind is finally settling in comfortably. It's got its flannel blanket, its slippers, robe, newspaper or what-have-you...seated back in its favorite chair. I had said previously that I didn't want to write for the "success" of it...to be a famous writer. I wanted to write simply because it made me feel good, because I liked being creative. Just for the sake of writing. At first it was rocky. I felt guilty when I didn't write, didn't get any work done. And that's after, like, two days!

Now? It's been over a month. I haven't written for the "My Missing Brother" story in over a month, since before I left for Cleveland. I also haven't been updating this blog. I thought this would eat away at me. I thought I would feel awful for not trying to live the dream, or at least achieve something! But I don't. I feel fine with it. I've accepted that there will be times when I'm just not feeling it. When I plain don't want to write. And since I'm not relying on any sort of paycheck or anything...there's no fire under my butt to finish.

Now, there was one thing.... I was approached on Twitter by a nice guy who offered his company's professional reading service to me. I was really pleased and excited by this, and really am thinking of taking up the offer. However, I get the impression it's somewhat time-sensitive. And that's cool, I get it. But...if I'm not writing, the window of opportunity closes a little more every day, and I get further from the possibility of qualifying for that offer. I'm both upset and okay with this. It's kind of weird.

I have and I haven't been busy. Sure, I could offer up all kinds of excuses: I'm working, spending time with my wife, spending time with my mom - who's back in town after years of being away, doing things with friends more often, blah blah blah. I also have a Tumblr that I check every day, so I'm spending time on that now, too. Batman: Arkham City just came out, so I've been doing that a lot (and, GOD, is it good!). There's so many other things that I'm choosing to do with my time instead of writing.

Yes, I completely understand that it's never going to get done if I don't DO IT -- but, for once, I don't feel bad about not doing it. It's more of a feeling of, "When I'm ready for it, I'll do it," right now. I guess I'm just not ready.

There is a flip side to this, though. Isn't there always? Alright, so I'm at peace with not writing at this moment. How long will that last? I just had a birthday two days ago. I'm a quarter-of-a-century old now. And please, older folk who've "been around the block" or whatever, don't laugh at how young I am and "how much time I have." I've heard it all (cynical much?). How am I going to feel about my non-progress next month? Next year? When will I start again? And how does this affect my projected timeline?

Everyone has one - a timeline. Something that they have in their minds of where they expect or hope to be at certain points in their life. A plan. Goals. Whatever you want to call it. So what's mine? If I were focused on the success and fame of writing, then I know I should be panicking right now. 25 years old? No real significant, completed work under my belt to show for it? That's not good for publishing or financial success, in my opinion. But, since I feel like I'm okay with not writing for now, that shouldn't matter. And I'm not panicking. I just wonder...how long will that last? 

How much time do I really have?

See, back to that now. Yeah, I just turned 25. Yeah, I'm still young. It's the oldest I've ever been. I'm always told two things - and it's really confusing (tell me if you've heard these before): "You're still young, you've got a lot of time ahead of you," whenever someone encourages me to take my time with things or not to worry -- and, "That time is gonna fly right by, and before you know it, you're 40-something wondering where it all went," whenever I reiterate the first one.

So which is it?

Do I have time? Or don't I?

Or is it a combination? I have time to do what I want, but make sure I do it before it's too late? Still kind of confusing and contradictory, but I'll take it, I guess. Hey, at least I don't have kids I need to worry about and take up my time as well. Yet.