My wife and I were able to get our place set up and ready to receive my cousin. He came, we did stuff, and now he's away with friends of his. He may return to our abode before leaving for back home, he may not. Plans are a bit up in the air. The point is...as can be discerned from the title of this blog post...that I did not finish.
However, in choosing to look at the bright side, I cannot necessarily be disappointed in myself as I mostly expected this.
I'm horrible with writing deadlines. I can imagine myself being not-so-successful in the business because of this. Who knows, maybe with a financial incentive things would be different. I fear a lot of the excitement I had before for this project has just gone out. I find myself bored when I ask if I should write. Then I end up doing something else.
I've recently been trying to psych myself up and get back into the project, especially now that things have calmed down substantially at home. Job stresses are easing as well, and I'm hopeful for a position that's available to me. All of this combined is turning me back on to my project. But I fear that I'm not as interested as I used to be, and this is because I don't talk to anyone about the project. There's no back-and-forth. That always gets my blood pumping. So what does that mean? Am I meant to be a collaborative writer? With a partner or team? Who knows?
Someone on Twitter said: "Writing: 'This is interesting!' --> effort --> effort --> effort --> finished --> 'this is stupid, who cares'"
But with me, it feels like I don't ever reach the "finished" part before I get fed up and go "this is stupid, who cares". I was hoping that this blog would be a healthy output that would provide that communication for me, but there's no real return coming back .There's the "back" I need, but no "forth". And I understand and accept this. I knew from the moment I started this blog that it wouldn't be hugely popular, that I wouldn't have followers, that there wouldn't be intense open discussions here.
Knowing that, I still started the blog, because I thought it would be helpful for me to have an outlet of some kind...even if it was me and only me. I know the three reasons that people read blogs: 1) really good SEO, 2) really famous, or 3) really funny/interesting. I know I don't have any of those and I'm okay with that. I mean, notice how I barely follow any kind of schedule in making new posts.
So the point is...is this blog a successful outlet for my thoughts and frustrations regarding my writing?
And if it's not, do I continue writing for it? And where do I go to find that back-and-forth discussion that spurs me into action?
If I do find that someone or somewhere...do I keep this blog going anyway?
I do consider writing to be somewhat self-serving (in a more positive way than the term connotes), and this blog is about as self-serving as it gets (in more of the negative way). And yes, I am totally aware that this blog is a personal pity party. A PPP, if you will.